


The Holiday Series: Lindsey/Angel

by Menomegirl



Category: Angel The Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-29
Updated: 2009-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-05 11:02:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menomegirl/pseuds/Menomegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lindsey pays a visit to Angel the night before Christmas. Set during season 5 of Ats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_~The Night Before~_

 

In the deep dark of the night, he slipped into Wolfram &amp; Hart, knowing all the spells that were in place, and he couldn't be detected by either the senior partners or Angel himself. The wild goose chase Eve had sent the two vampires on had left her free to cast the last of the spells. He could come and go pretty much as he pleased, but Lindsey didn't want to push their luck. He still wasn't sure Angel didn't suspect Eve, after the Halloween party fiasco. Why hadn't the vampire smelled him on her? It was strange.

Stranger still was the reason Lindsey had snuck in here tonight. Eve had told him that the vampire was acting depressed, seemed vulnerable somehow, like he'd lost faith in himself. She didn't know if it had to do with losing Conner, Cordelia's continuing coma, or second thoughts about the firm, but she thought it was wearing Angel down. That wasn't good, wasn't good at all.

Lindsey didn't care for the sound of that, not one little bit. After all he himself had put the vampire through, it would be just about right that Angel would give up on the fight for good now. When Lindsey had a plan to crush the evil law firm for real this time. Then he wouldn't even get the satisfaction of throwing Angel's many snide remarks back in his face. So, Lindsey was here to....he wasn't entirely sure what he could do to help, but he had to try something.

He softly unlocked the door to Angel's suite, quietly entered, but that soon proved a wasted effort. The aroma of scotch hung heavily in the air, there were shards of broken glass on the carpet, and good God, Angel was passed out on the bed. Drunk. Out Cold. Down for the count.

"Well, fuck," Lindsey softly said, wondering how much alcohol the vampire had consumed to be in this state.

He walked over to where Angel was sprawled out, perplexed about what to do. He stared at the vampire's unmoving chest, the desire to just stake the undead asshole nearly getting the better of him. Not all that long ago, he would have. With no remorse whatsoever.

"Well, fuck," he said, repeating himself.

Then his heart almost stopped, because Angel opened his eyes. And saw him. "About time you showed up, Lindsey. What the fuck are you doing way over there?"

"Huh?" Seemed to be the only intelligent thing he could think to say, because his brain was saying _This isn't possible! No one should be able to see past the cloaking spells_.

Slurring his words a little, Angel said, "I said: Why are you over there?"

Noticing the unfocused look in the vampire's eyes, Lindsey realized he was still sleeping. He was sleep-walking....sleep-dreaming? Something. Or he thought he was still dreaming. Either way, Lindsey felt like a deer caught in a car's headlights. He was in a precarious position. One wrong move would upset all his carefully laid plans.

Shit! Now what? "Uh....where am I supposed to be?" He softly said, stalling for time, thinking furiously.

"In bed. With me. Fucking our brains out," Angel said.

That statement sucked the air out of the former lawyer's lungs, drove all thoughts out of his head, and pissed him off at the same time. "I'm not gay!" he almost shouted.

"Oh, is this gonna be one of those dreams where I have to seduce you?" Angel said, grinning.

"I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth!" Lindsey snarled, cloaking spells forgotten, the last couple of years washed away by the anger the vampire always managed to drive him to, the only thought in his head being _Where is this shit coming from?_

Angel was smirking now. "Oh. I see. You're afraid, that's what it is."

Lindsey bared his teeth as he ground out, "I am not afraid of you...you....you....asshole! I'm just not gay. That's all."

 

"Never said you were, Lindsey," Angel continued. "If you aren't afraid of me, then it's yourself you're afraid of. What's the matter? Scared to find out something about yourself you'd rather not know?"

That trapped feeling overcame him again, and now Lindsey wished like hell he hadn't come here. This was just so not Angel! What the fuck was his problem?

His brain had started thinking again, but his mouth kept going. "I know everything I need to about myself. I certainly don't need you to teach me anything, you....you....jerk off!"

"That so?" Angel drawled "If that's true, you'd come over here and prove that I don't move you at all."

"I don't have to prove anything to you!!!" Lindsey said, fuming with repressed rage.

"Well, then, why don't you prove it to yourself?" Angel suggested. "Unless you're too scared to?"

Enraged beyond the ability to think straight, Lindsey couldn't even answer. All he could do was......stalk over to the bed and crawl over Angel and take his face in his hands and kiss the asshole. Which didn't help, because when he broke the kiss, Angel said, "Damn, Linds, is that the best you can do?"

So of course, Lindsey kissed him again. And it might have ended right then, if he'd kept his mouth closed. But no, Lindsey just couldn't _not_ do it, so he opened his mouth against Angel's, he kissed the vampire the way he would a woman.....and Lindsey found out he didn't know as much about himself as he'd assumed he did.

A sweet, hot feeling swept over his body when Angel's tongue met his. The longer the kiss went on, the hotter he got. By the time he had to come up for air, Lindsey was in shock, he was speechless, and he was also very hard. And _Damn_ was all his brain would think, but he didn't have a chance to really think, because the vampire gently kissed him back, turning them over, so that he was leaning over Lindsey, who was too busy with the sensation of Angel to notice his shirt being pulled off.

Angel, apparently still sleep-dreaming, didn't seem to see the tattoos covering Lindsey. His hands wandered over all those taunt muscles, soothing, petting, arousing the man under him until Lindsey couldn't have formed a coherent thought if he'd tried. He had wound his fingers into Angel's hair, and he was rocking against the vampire's body now. He could feel Angel's erection, and he burned even hotter. Lindsey felt fingers at the snap of his jeans, and he didn't answer, just lifted his hips so the vampire could undress him as speedily as possible. The clothes couldn't come off fast enough for him now.

Then Angel was touching him again, following his hands with his mouth, and all Lindsey could do was try and keep breathing, arching into the touch taking him over, moaning softly, as the vampire began pumping the young man's erection, sliding his thump over the head to spread the pre-come welling there down the shaft, and Lindsey thought he was gonna die before he was done, the pleasure was so intense.

Angel moved back to Lindsey's mouth, kissing him, stroking him, making him crazy with need. He was so close...but then Angel's hand clamped the impending orgasm off, and Lindsey whimpered. The vampire whispered into his ear, "Now, I'm going to make you feel something you've never imagined." He gently kissed the young man under him, and asked, "You're not afraid now, are you?"

Lindsey whispered, "No."

Angel touched those pouty lips with the fingers of his free hand, slid them into Lindsey's mouth until just the tips were resting on the young man's teeth. "Bite down, hard. Make them bleed," Angel softly said, his eyes locked to the young man's. Lindsey bit down, Angel softly growled, and Lindsey bit down harder, until he felt the skin break under his teeth, tasted blood on his tongue. Angel looked at his fingers, smiled, and said, "Trust me?"

Lindsey said, "Al....alright."

The vampire kissed him gently, looked into his eyes once more, and said, "Spread your legs for me, Lindsey." The young man's eyes widened slightly, his heartbeat sped up, he looked at Angel for at least a minute, worry in his gaze.

"It won't hurt much, I promise," the vampire said. Lindsey licked his lips, disbelief running through him at how turned on he was by all of this, but he slowly did what Angel wanted him to. The rush he felt doing such a thing for Angel was so strong, it sent his senses reeling, and what little free will he had left, in this moment, was gone.

Then Angel was kissing him again, Lindsey stopped thinking once more, and he felt those fingers making lazy circles at his entrance. Angel moved to his ear, whispering, "Relax for me, Lindsey." A single finger slid inside, slowly, massaging, stretching, and he tried to relax. Second finger in, and Angel was kissing his neck, right where he'd bite....and heat started spiraling through Lindsey's body again.

He moaned, arched his whole body, the fingers went in deeper and he moaned, "Oh God!" as Angel touched something deep inside of him that sent bolts of pure pleasure running through him. The vampire kept doing it, and doing it, until Lindsey was writhing under him, begging for release, begging for the vampire not to stop, clutching the sheets, sweat gleaming on his hard body, until Angel felt he was high enough.

Then the vampire positioned Lindsey the way he wanted him, and oh-so-slowly slid into that beautiful body underneath his, until he was buried all the way in and Angel began a steady rocking movement, hitting the sweet spot every stroke. It didn't take long before Lindsey began moving in time with Angel, who was entranced with the expressions on that pretty face.

When Angel sensed Lindsey was near a breaking point, he finally eased his grip on the young man's erection, and started pumping it again. Lindsey went wild, bucking his body into the vampire's, screaming his name until he came, his body tensing, tightening around Angel until the vampire couldn't stand it, and the expression on the young man's face sent him over the edge.

Angel held still above Lindsey until they both stopped moving, until they both calmed down some. Then he kissed Lindsey one final time, softly said, "Told you so," pulling away from his former enemy, and crawled under the covers, closed his eyes, and was still again.

Lindsey lay there, until his heart beat slowed down, and then he got up, dressed as quickly as he could, then he fled as if Hell itself was on his heels, silently cursing himself, Angel, Eve, The Powers, the senior partners for what had just occurred. Why the fuck had he come here? What the fuck had just happened? No-he knew what happened- why the fuck had he let that happen?

As the confused and upset former lawyer left the building, Angel smiled into his pillow. _Best damn Christmas present I ever had. Finally got some of that_, he thought. _Always knew he'd be good, but DAMN._

And he let his thoughts drift for awhile before he wondered about the tattoos. Oh, well. He'd think about that tomorrow. The vampire fell asleep, almost purring with contentment.

Lindsey had accomplished his mission, and didn't even know it.

 

_~The Next Day~_

 

Lindsey rushed back to the apartment, his head full of images of Angel, the things he'd both said and done, and he suddenly came to the conclusion that Angel hadn't been passed out. The asshole had done it on purpose! An insane urge came over him to walk back to his truck, go back and confront the vampire, make him spell out just why the fucking hell he had done that?!? But he was counting himself lucky Angel hadn't even asked about the tats. Why push his luck further?

He walked in the apartment, threw his keys on a nearby table, and went straight to the bathroom. Where he proceeded to take the longest, hottest shower he could, furiously washing away the smell of Angel from his hair, his skin, his...every damn thing. He kept thinking: the bastard did it on purpose. It kept swirling around in his head, like a children's nursery rhyme. At least it was keeping the images at bay.

Until he was drying off, and glanced in the mirror at himself. Then he remembered how Angel had kept looking at him, at his face, at his body, and he looked at himself, wondering why the hell the vampire had been doing that. He was just himself, just Lindsey. Yeah, he was more muscular, there were the tattoos...but what had so fascinated Angel that he'd stared so damn hard at him for? Lindsey was glad to see there weren't any marks on his body.

But his ass hurt like hell. Angel hadn't actually been that rough, but Lindsey flashed on himself pushing his body against Angel's as hard as he could and- _oh yeah, really needed to get hard again, perfect, Linds_\- Christ, he'd moved for Angel in a way he'd never moved for anyone before.

Somewhere in between "In bed. With me. Fucking our brains out." and "Told you so." Lindsey decided he must have lost his fucking mind.

Why the hell had Angel done it? To see how far he could push me? To see if I'd bare my soul to him? To make me scream, beg, moan under him? There's got to be some other reason. Some other angle, some plan. _Something_. No fucking way Angel did that just to get me in his bed. No fucking way. Lindsey shook his head at himself, walked into the bedroom, crawled into bed.

And was immediately assaulted with warm, wiggly Eve. She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed her face into his chest, and damn...she smelled so good. Lindsey tilted her face up to his and kissed her. Hmmm...so far, so good. Eve wound one hand into his hair, pressed closer to his body, and Lindsey ran his hand down her back to her butt and he pulled her closer to him, rubbing his erection into her body. Eve moaned. Lindsey smiled into the kiss, and let his lips wander down her neck.

Underneath his actions was the unbidden thought: See, you prick, I told you I wasn't gay.

Lindsey touched Eve, made love to her with a quite desperation inside himself, and she didn't know what he was doing, because he was doing everything so right. He whispered all the right things, kissed all the right spots, went down on her with exquisite slowness, taking her to orgasm several times before he finally took her. She was in heaven. He was happy.

Until the minute she said, "Faster, Lindsey. Harder."

He thought, _Oh, god. I said that to Angel_. And that spiraling hotness he'd felt with the vampire slammed into his body and _oh, fuck_, he thought. Lindsey started screwing her faster in reflex to all that, and Eve damn near screamed, "Oh, fuck yeah, just like that. Feels so good, Lindsey. Please don't stop."

And oh, god....he'd said that, too. Lindsey pulled her legs up, to get a better angle, to fuck her harder, and he got a flash memory of Angel doing that to him. It sent him over the edge into desperation for this to be over with.

And all he heard from that point on was the memory of his voice, filled with passion, telling Angel how much he liked it, how much he wanted it, and "Please, please, please...take me, God, Angel please."

His moan of utter ecstasy when Angel had finally taken him. Lindsey didn't want to remember the things he'd screamed after that. But he damn sure recalled the way he'd moved when Angel had relaxed his grip....and that thought was just about all it took.

He pounded into Eve mercilessly, until she came, and god, so did he. She was in heaven.....and Lindsey was royally pissed.

He'd looked over that Goddamned Cops Suck sign. He wasn't overlooking this.

_Fucking asshole. What the fuck did you do to me?_

 

_~The Night After~_

 

Lindsey slept late, only waking briefly when Eve left to attend that stupid Christmas party all Angel's do-gooders had planned to rally his spirits. Undead asshole. He lay there fuming silently to himself, still pissed off about the entire affair. All his planning, shot to shit, at least as far as that pain in the ass Angel was concerned. He didn't know exactly what he was gonna do...but he was gonna do something. He fell asleep, thinking when Eve came back, she'd tell him the gig was up, that Angel had his damn Fang Gang trying to find his ass.

He dreamed of smoldering passion, desire in his heart that burned like fire, things he'd missed and needed and wanted all of his life. Of things he'd almost had within his grasp, only to be snatched away just when he'd hoped that this time...this time, was the right time. He dreamed of the one who had done the most snatching. He dreamed of Angel. Dreamed of simmering anger, unfulfilled revenge, confusing hatred, and uneasy truces. Dreamed also of heated glances, words full of subtext and innuendo. Touches that meant to hurt, but had felt like a caress, knowing the hands hurting could have killed instead.

He woke up when she returned, slid into the bed next to him, and he held her in his arms, like he always did. He listened to her natter on about the party, the jokes, the presents, with a sense of growing amazement. Because Angel had apparently been in a good mood, laughing with his friends, and hadn't said one damn word about Lindsey being in town. And in answer to all their questions about his attitude change, all Angel would say was he'd received the best present the night before. Angel had rediscovered hope, he'd told them. Eve laughed at that.

Lindsey wasn't laughing.

His heart beat a rapid pace in his chest, and it took all his willpower not to shout with glee. He began to have hope, as well. Because he'd never been told he was anyone's best before. And.....Damn. He felt like Angel was placing trust in him. It was scary as hell, and very exhilarating. He held her until she fell asleep, then he gently disentangled himself from the suddenly annoying Eve.

He glanced down at her scattered clothes, and picked the damn things up. God, he hated sloppiness. He was putting them in the hamper when he found the note hidden in her clothes. For a minute, he just looked at it. He knew it was from Angel, without a doubt in his mind. _Christ on a crutch! Fuck, he did smell me on her._

The implications were staggering, and Lindsey was sort of shell-shocked, knowing it had been almost two months since that night. Why hadn't Angel sought him out? He opened it with hands that shook.

_I know you're wondering why I see you. I'm not exactly sure myself, but I think...that it's because you're in my heart. I know you're wondering why I did that to you. I did it because I want you, I always have. And you've always been so damn hard to read. I needed to know how much passion you had in you, if you could direct it at me, and I was afraid you'd turn me away. Words, names, and labels don't mean much to me. How much do they mean to you? Think about it, because I want you more than you'll ever know. I need you, because you make me whole. You complete me in a way no one else has ever come close to. I'll be waiting for you. Please don't turn your back on this._

Lindsey felt shivers run down his back. Angel wanted him. Angel needed him. He thought about the way Angel had made him feel. But that was only sex, right? Then he thought about the way Angel had looked at him. Okay, maybe it wasn't only sex. Because...no one had ever, ever, ever looked at him that way before.

Angel had been looking at him as if Lindsey meant the whole world to him. Had he misunderstood those looks?

Lindsey stared at himself in the mirror.

Just how much did words, names, and labels really mean to him, anyway?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This time, when he paused outside of Angel's door, it was with the fear that he'd misread the entire situation. Then his mind stilled the last of his lingering doubts, and he turned the knob. The door was unlocked. Lindsey entered knowing what he was letting himself in for, knowing all this could end badly, knowing full well the future wasn't set in stone, prophecy or not, and knowing as well, one of them might die before all was said and done.

Angel was in bed. Asleep. Really asleep, this time. Lindsey quietly walked over, and looked at him. He reached out and caressed the side of Angel's face. Those soulful brown eyes opened, sleepy-eyed, and the look in them touched something within Lindsey's heart that had been there, ignored and denied all this time. He let himself feel it grow, and didn't try to push it aside.

"Did you think about it?" Angel softly said.

"Yeah," Lindsey answered.

He began taking his clothes off, his eyes never leaving the vampire's. He crawled into Angel's bed this time of his own free will, wanting everything he could get. He kissed Angel with purpose this time, and Lindsey again felt that sweet, hot feeling rush through his body. It was Lindsey who touched, explored, and aroused this time. Angel let him have total access to his body, he was uninhibited in his desire, and he let Lindsey know in whispered words and lingering touches how much he wanted him. In kisses that were sweet, hot, and languid.

Angel discovered he wasn't beneath begging himself, not when it was Lindsey in his bed. The look of insecurity on the young man's face when Lindsey had momentary doubts about taking Angel into his mouth made words erupt out of the vampire he hadn't known he could say. The immense gratification both experienced when he did it was mutual.

Lindsey was thrilled Angel was that moved by him.

Angel was thrilled knowing Lindsey had never done it before.

Lindsey was a little wary when he found out how much stamina Angel was capable of. The vampire showed him in a dozen small ways that Lindsey had nothing to be afraid of, and in the end, it was still Lindsey who wanted Angel inside. The vampire, knowing his lover was still sore from the night before, used lube to gentle the way, and he took Lindsey with the gentleness and sensitivity only one of great strength could. Lindsey still felt that rush he'd felt the first time, because it was Angel he was doing it with.

It was only the beginning of a very long night of slow, hot passion. Neither man knew how things would end, where they'd go from this point in time. They both decided they didn't much care.

Angel was happy because Lindsey was finally where Angel had always wanted him.

Lindsey was happy because Angel had told him the one thing he'd always wanted hear the vampire say.

"I love you."

 

_~All I Want~_

 

Lindsey opened his eyes slowly, looked around, and didn't know whether to be happy that had been a dream, or pissed off because he'd dreamed it in the first place. He found all his earlier anger had evaporated, leaving the passion he'd been unaware of behind. That fine line had been crossed last night, and he suddenly decided he didn't want to regress into the past.

The truth was, Angel hadn't seduced him. After that second kiss, Lindsey had been more than willing to let Angel do whatever he pleased. Nothing had happened he hadn't liked, or that he hadn't wanted. Hell, he still did. Lindsey had never known he could burn like that, and the fact that it was Angel he'd burned for.....well, shit. For some ungodly reason, he found that hotter than hell.

He'd been pissed off because it turned out Darla and Holland had been right all along. Lindsey had thought they were fucking insane with their sly comments and sexual innuendos. So....yeah, he'd been freaked out. Yeah, he'd ran away as fast as he could've. Yeah, he'd been upset when he'd realized Angel had done it on purpose.

But now, he was left wondering just why Angel had done it. Lindsey had originally gone there to help Angel, try to find out what was bothering him so much. He'd just forgotten that the vampire excelled at pushing his buttons, making him so angry, he often said and did things without thinking. Angel had said things calculated to get Lindsey into that bed. Once he was in it, Angel had used experience and technique to make damn sure he stayed there, giving him no time to think, making him feel things he'd never felt before.

Despite that dream, he knew Angel didn't love him, no more than he loved the vampire. A happy Angel was an evil Angelus, and Lindsey had no desire to meet him. The thought alone made him cringe. But something from the dream talked to Lindsey, it was the note Angel had sent him in the dream. He couldn't recall the exact wording, but the feeling the note expressed had left a resonating need within Lindsey.

Angel was in pain. He was depressed. He was questioning everything he'd fought for the last few years. He was regretting all his mistakes. He was in full brood mode, but instead of directing violence at his former enemy, he had directed desire at him in it's place. That was a scary thing, cause it meant Angel was more vulnerable than he'd ever been before. Vulnerable enough to take physical comfort in a man he probably didn't much care for.

Why? Because he'd just been there?

Oh, hell no. Lindsey desperately did not want anyone else knowing that. Not Angel's friends, not Eve, not the Senior Partners. The Powers only knew what they'd do to Angel if they found out, and Lindsey didn't want that. The vampire had been through enough, a lot of it from Lindsey himself. Too much grief in too little time, and no one else knew. No one else cared.

Angel wanted to take comfort in the physical release sex gave a person? Lindsey could do that. When it came right down to it, he'd do a hell of a lot more, if he had to. Maybe in some way, he could even make up for some of the shit he'd done to the vampire in the past. It was worth a shot.

Lindsey wondered how Angel would react to that?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He slipped into the building after everyone else had left, and quietly made his way to Angel's suite. He unlocked the door, grinning slightly. So much for his stupid dream. He walked inside like it was his own suite.

Angel had been heading to the bed, clad only in black silk pajama bottoms. He had a book in his hand, and it was obvious he hadn't expected Lindsey to return from the amused expression on his face. He looked at the key in the lawyer's hand, and raised his eyebrows when Lindsey smirked at him while slipping the key into his jeans.

"Anyone ever tell you that you have an appalling lack of respect for the law, Lindsey?" Angel said.

"Might've been mentioned a time or two, yeah," Lindsey said, walking towards the vampire. He took the book out of his hands, glanced at the cover, and grinned at Angel. Anne Rice? He tossed the book on the night stand.

"Last night, you left here like hell was after you. Why are you back?" Angel said.

Lindsey slowly looked Angel over. Oh, yeah, this still turned him on. He raised his eyes back up to look into the vampire's. "I forgot to do somethin'," he said.

"Oh, yeah?" Angel said.

"Yeah," Lindsey whispered.

"What?" Angel whispered back.

Lindsey smiled. "I'll tell you that later."

He reached a hand up, pulled Angel down to meet his lips, opened his mouth to let Angel in. And, he felt that rush assault his body again. Fuck, this was so damn hot. It made his knees go weak, made his skin feel hot and flushy, especially when the vampire started taking his clothes off. That's what he wanted, but not all he wanted. So Lindsey ran his hand up Angel's chest, rolled one of his nipples between his fingers, and Angel growled softly. Lindsey shivered with arousal.

Then Angel's hands stilled on the snap of his jeans, he raised his head to gaze into the blue ones that were currently glazing over with passion. "Are you going to run away again?" The vampire's thumb was massaging the skin right above the fabric. It was driving Lindsey insane. All he could do was shake his head no. Angel smiled as he fingered the snap open, slid the zipper down with agonizing slowness, teasing the erection under his hand as he did so. The vampire slid his hands under the fabric, gently kneading Lindsey's ass. "Sore?" The vampire asked.

Lindsey was damn near speechless at this point. Or so he thought. He managed to utter, "A little bit, yeah," before Angel grinned evilly, pushed the jeans down, knelt in front of Lindsey and took him into his mouth. "Jesus Fuckin' Christ!" Lindsey screamed. "You....oh god....oh fuck!"

He blindly reached down to wind his hands into the vampire's hair, to steady himself, but fuck...Angel chuckled as he pulled Lindsey into his throat, working his muscles around him. "Fuck!" Lindsey moaned. "You just-you can't-ARRG!..FUCK, ANGEL!!" and he came hard in response to Angel's deep growl, and he didn't back off. The vampire kept sucking until Lindsey was spent.

He felt Angel push him back on the bed, while he finished taking the jeans off. When he could breathe again, Lindsey muttered, "Well, that was just embarrassing."

Angel stood up in front of him, tipped Lindsey's face up so he could look into it. "Actually, that was damn flattering."

Lindsey felt the heat in his face as he blushed. Oh, damn. How does he manage to do shit like this to me? He grinned at the vampire. "Damn, that's quite a mouth you got, Angel."

"Made you scream, didn't it, Linds?"

Lindsey shook his head. What could he say to that? He slid the pajama bottoms down, letting his fingers brush over Angel's skin as he did so. Okay, here was something he'd hadn't noticed before. Angel wasn't cold. But then, she hadn't been either. Must be some of that mistaken vampire lore. He was cooler to the touch than a mortal would be, but not as cold as a dead person was.

Hmm.....interesting.

Angel urged him to back up, and he joined Lindsey in the bed. He was then surprised when Lindsey flipped him onto his stomach, straddled his hips, and proceeded to massage his back. He had thought.....but damn, Lindsey's hands felt too good to protest. He hadn't known he was so tense. Angel cradled his head with his arms, letting himself enjoy the feel of Lindsey's strong fingers smoothing all that tension away. This was nice, he'd missed being touched. Angel was content until Lindsey touched the tattoo on his back, tracing the design with a soft touch.

He suddenly wanted to watch Lindsey's face again, so he turned underneath the young man, who grinned at Angel, and started running his hands all over the vampire, teasing, pinching, twisting, soothing in turns. He leaned down, kissing Angel while still touching him. He leaned even farther in, until their erections were touching, that's when Angel realized how arousing this was to Lindsey. He let the young man continue, because he loved the feel of skin on skin.

Then he decided to fuck with his mind, to see how off-balanced he could make him. Cause it was fun to do that. Lindsey smelled really good when he was all confused and mad. He smelled even better when he was confused and aroused. Angel liked that. It turned him on.

So, when Lindsey had to come up for air, Angel looked up into his blue eyes, and said, "Do you want to fuck me, Lindsey?"

Those blue eyes got really wide as what the vampire said registered. Lindsey stammered, "But I thought you.....I mean, I.....never...." Angel could see him thinking about it, and YES he smelled really great now. All hot and bothered. Ummm. Yeah, he liked Lindsey this way.

Lindsey was confused. Because yeah, he wanted to, but...he hadn't thought Angel would...damn...okay..._Do you want to fuck me?_ sent the same hot rush through him that _Spread your legs for me._ had. OH MY GOD and Angel was waiting for some kind of answer, so....

"Yes," he said, and damn, that sounded like a whimper. FUCK.

"Never fucked a guy before, huh?" Angel said.

"Uh, no....duh," Lindsey said. Oh god, that sounded really girly.

"That's okay. I'll show you what to do," Angel said as he reached into the night stand for lube. Oh yeah, this was going to be fun. He was going to get to see the expressions on Lindsey's face the first time he fucked a guy. Fun-fun-fun. Hell yeah.

Angel made Lindsey lay flat against him while he coated his own fingers with lube. "Now, close your eyes, relax for me, and concentrate on what I'm doing inside of you." He slid a finger inside Lindsey's passage, slowing stretching him, massaging to relax him. Then he added another finger, going deeper inside him, until...oh yeah, there it was.

Lindsey bucked against him, moaning "Fuck, Angel," as the vampire rubbed that spot.

"You've got to seek that spot out, Lindsey," Angel said as he scissored his fingers, stretching Lindsey more.

"Uhhhh," Lindsey said, thinking _If he doesn't stop I'm gonna come_.

Angel chuckled, then pulled his fingers out.

Lindsey moaned, "Nooooooo." while inside his head he screamed OH MY GOD! WHAT- ARE YOU AN ANGEL SLUT NOW?????

"What's the matter, Lindsey?" Angel slyly said.

Panting harshly, Lindsey muttered, "Nothin'!"

"Don't worry-I'm still gonna fuck you. Later. Sit up, now."

Lindsey sat up, and glowered at Angel, who had a positively evil grin on his face. _Bastard_. "Oh, that's so sweet, Angel. Thank you," he sarcastically said.

"Oh, it will be," Angel said, rubbing his palms together to warm the lube in them, then he took Lindsey's erection in his hands.

"Holy Shit!" Lindsey screamed. "I coulda done that myself, I ain't stupid, ya know."

"I like doing this, and I never said you were stupid, Lindsey. Did I ever tell you how much I liked your accent? It really turns me on," the vampire said. Oh, yeah. He smells fucking GREAT now. He handed the lube over. "Your turn."

Lindsey jerked the lube out of his hand, muttered, "Fucking asshole," then backed up till he was between Angel's legs, while the vampire shoved a pillow under himself. He coated his fingers the way Angel had, then started rubbing at Angel's entrance and for a few seconds, he felt funny doing this, but the asshole was grinning like he thought Lindsey would back out of doing this, so....shit, he slid a finger inside.

Lindsey decided the vampire had obviously done this before, since he was way too relaxed and calm about it not to have. So, he slid another finger inside, mimicking Angel's movements as best he could. He pushed them deeper inside the vampire, stretching Angel like he'd done him. And then he hit it.

Angel closed his eyes and hissed, "Yessss." Lindsey liked that, so he rubbed harder. "That's it, Lindsey....yes.....harder," Angel said, and oh god he started moving his hips. Lindsey shoved in a little deeper, and pushed against the gland REALLY fucking hard, digging his nail into it, and Angel screamed, "OH FUCK YEAH."

Lindsey paused, holding pressure against Angel's sweet spot, because _I made Angel scream_ was rolling around in his head.

Angel brought him back down to earth by saying, "Now, Lindsey. I want you inside me....now."

Lindsey took a deep breath, because shit, how many people had ever heard that said by Angel? Not very fucking many, Lindsey knew. He pulled his fingers out and positioned himself, then looked at the vampire again, just to be sure, but the fucker still had that _I know you're not gonna do it, you pussy_ look on his face, so screw it...Lindsey rammed himself in as hard as he could, since Angel apparently liked it rough. And oh fuck, he'd never felt anything that tight around him before. His whole body froze, Lindsey closed his eyes and just _felt_ it.

"YES!" Angel screamed, then he looked at that face. God, if he lived to be a thousand years old, he was GOING to remember THAT look on this man's face. He reached his hand up, brushed the back of his fingers along one cheek and Lindsey leaned into that touch, opening his eyes. "You need to move now, Lindsey."

"I don't think I can, Angel. God, this is how you feel when you're inside of me," Lindsey whispered.

"Yeah, except for the whole body heat thing you have. Do you have any idea how wonderful that feels to me, Lindsey? It's like being blanketed in your warmth." The younger man swallowed and Angel made that purring noise again at the feel of Lindsey's cock swelling just that much bigger inside of him.

Lindsey wasn't going to last long, Angel could tell. Which was fine, because Angel really wanted to fuck him now. He hooked his legs behind Lindsey's, gliding his hands down the younger man's torso and curved them around Lindsey's hips, gently coaxing Lindsey into moving, but he wasn't doing it hard enough. "Harder, Lindsey. Fuck me like you hate my guts."

Lindsey's thoughts were way past coherent at that point, but he did it. He rammed himself into Angel over and over and over, gritting his teeth to try and hold in the sounds he was making at the exquisite sensation of fucking Angel. Skin sliding slick on skin, Angel's hands roaming over him, low moans the vampire didn't attempt to hold back until it became too much and Lindsey's hips faltered, stuttering as he lost the rhythm as the heat of climax swept over him.

Angel didn't give him time to get over it, either. Before he realized it, Angel had him pulled into his lap, and impaled on Angel's erection. It took Lindsey a few minutes to catch his breath, then he opened his eyes to look down at the vampire, feeling Angel inside him. Damn vampire speed. Why hadn't that hurt?

"Did you like that, Lindsey?" Angel said.

"You know I did. Are you trying to kill me or what?"

"Oh, now, Linds. If I'd wanted you dead, I'd have killed you years ago. Come on, move yourself on me," Angel said.

Lindsey grinned, and put his hands on Angel to balance himself, then he started fucking himself on Angel. It felt amazing. "Oh, fuck, Angel," he moaned.

"Yeah, like that," Angel said. He shifted their positions a little, so they were almost face to face. He pulled Lindsey's head down to kiss him, started thrusting up into his body. Slow. Hard. Deep thrusts, snaking a hand between their bodies to catch the hot, heavy length of Lindsey and stroke him, feel the delicate shuddering of the younger man and revel in the tight heat of his body.

Angel kissed his way to Lindsey's neck, licked at the pulse point beating madly there. Lindsey's whole body shivered with arousal. _I knew it,_ Angel thought. He whispered into his ear, "Do you want me to, Lindsey?"

"Yes, God, yes....Angel, please." Lindsey moaned.

The vampire pulled back a little because he wanted Lindsey to see the demon in him come out. He had to give Lindsey credit. The man didn't lose his rhythm, even though he was now trembling from the desire he felt. In fact, Lindsey did something Angel hadn't expected.

He leaned forward and kissed Angel, letting his tongue run over Angel's fangs oh-so-gently as his hips tilted and rocked them together. Now Angel was trembling as well. Lindsey broke the kiss, lifted his head, looking into eyes that glowed golden and his hips just kept moving.

Angel sucked in an unneeded breath, leaned in and kissed the spot again, licked it, then gently sank the fangs in. Lindsey moaned deeply, his body clenching vise-tight around the vampire. Angel didn't take much, just enough so he could feel Lindsey inside him. When he began licking the wound to heal it, Lindsey went wild, just like he'd done the night before, his fingers digging hard into Angel's shoulders, pumping himself on Angel like mad. They both came, hard and uncontrollably and Lindsey lost consciousness.

Angel turned them over and managed to cover them, before he fell asleep also. Well, Lindsey wasn't running this time. He might leave after he woke up, but that was okay. Then Angel pulled Lindsey closer, just because he decided Lindsey smelled the best right fucking _now_.

Yeah. This was the best Christmas Day, ever.

_Why the hell hadn't he done this four years ago?_

 

_~All I Need~_

 

Lindsey woke up knowing right where he was. He was just surprised find himself being held in a loose embrace. Never figured Angel the type to snuggle. Damn shame he'd missed that. He liked to snuggle himself. He was tempted to lay here and enjoy it or wake Angel up and....do things, but he needed to piss really bad. So, he gently moved away from the vampire, sliding to the edge of the bed-and okay- really sore now. Wondered if that went away with use. Kinda doubted it.

He walked to the bathroom. And was shocked. No mirror, of course, he'd expected that, but where the hell was the toilet? Granted, the vampire didn't really need one-but something about that just bugged Lindsey. Shaking his head, he grabbed a washcloth from the towel bar, walked into the shower, and turned the spray on. Really hot. Then he stepped under the spray of water, relief at being able to relieve his bladder almost feeling as good as sex, and he watched the yellow color swirl down the drain, knowing Angel would smell it anyway, hoping he wasn't upset about it, but damn- he was only human.

Human. That's what it was that bugged him about the bathroom. They made Angel CEO of the LA branch of Wolfram &amp; Hart. Gave him unlimited power, money out the ass, cars by the dozen, let him compromise to save his son, glass safe enough so the vampire could feel the sun on his skin, a nice, big office, a fancy suite to retire in, and didn't give the man a toilet?!? That was a hell of a thing. Angel was supposed to Shanshu. No matter what Eve thought, Lindsey knew the prophecy was about Angel, not Spike. He wondered if Angel even thought about.....but no. He most likely hadn't. But....what was more human than a toilet, for God's sake?? It felt to Lindsey as if W&amp;H were saying: nah nah nah nah nah nah. It fucking pissed him off.

He was so deep in thought, he jumped when Angel slipped his arms around him. The vampire froze in place. "Want me to leave?" He softly said.

"No, don't move away, Angel," Lindsey said. "I was just thinking, that's all." He leaned back into the vampire, closing his eyes, just reveling in the feel of those strong hands stroking his chest.

"Ummm," Angel hummed into Lindsey's ear. "You smell so good." He placed a soft kiss on the young man's shoulder, reached for the soap, took the washcloth from him, and started washing that hard body he loved touching. "Lindsey, when you're fucking, do you always do that?"

His eyes still closed, enjoying what the vampire was doing, Lindsey answered, "Do what, Angel? Have several orgasms so close together or move so hard right before I come? How about coming so hard I pass out?" He sighed. "I've never experienced any of those things before."

Angel paused. "Oh. Are you that turned on because I'm a man, then?"

Lindsey wondered how much truth was too much. "Partly, yeah. There's the vampire factor, too. But mostly......mostly, it's because it's you. And I don't want you to think I'm falling in love here, that's clearly not what this- any of this- is about. I can't tell anyone else, they wouldn't understand....about me.....about you......about us. Not even sure I understand, but....."

Angel turned him around, so he could look into his face. "What, Lindsey?"

He looked into the vampire's eyes. "When you...asked me to spread my legs for you, it felt.....I mean, I know it was because you wanted to fuck me, and you wanted to be sure I was doing it because I wanted to, but.....the rush of desire I felt was almost heart stopping, Angel. Never felt the like before. And when I did it, I was on fucking fire, and yeah, it was a sexual rush, but....it also felt like forgiveness. It was right, and it felt inevitable. Then, last night, when you asked if I wanted to fuck you, I felt all those things again. Does that make sense to you?"

Angel just looked at him. Lindsey felt stupid for saying that. Then the vampire smiled slightly, and continued washing him. Throughly. Over every inch of his body. It was almost as if Angel was memorizing him. By the time he was through, Lindsey was so aroused, it was nearly painful. The vampire pushed him into the spray of water while he washed himself, and Lindsey wished he'd say something. Anything, dammit.

It was when they were both rinsed off that Angel did it. He took Lindsey's face in his hands, kissed him with a softness that surprised the young man. He touched Lindsey's body with a combination of gentleness and possessiveness he hadn't shown before. The young man felt the difference, but he was too aroused to think clearly. It felt too good, too right, too glorious to question.

Angel softly said, "I want you, Lindsey."

He knew he'd hurt for days, but Lindsey didn't care. The look in those brown eyes just killed him. And he wanted this. He wanted Angel.....so....... "Yes," he said. And then the vampire kissed him some more......touched him some more and God.....by the time he was turned to face the wall, he was ready. More than.

Angel slid inside of him with gentleness, patience, and a slow grace that sent a wave of hunger racing through Lindsey's body. For the first time, Angel spoke to him like a lover would. "Feels so good inside you, Lindsey," he whispered, beginning a slow, steady rocking within that made Lindsey burn hotter.

"Oh, God......Angel.....yes," he moaned. Damn, this felt so good.

He started trembling from everything his body felt. Damn, this felt so right. Angel moved one of his hands lower to start stroking Lindsey, holding him tight so he almost couldn't move. And he wanted to....needed to. So damn bad. Lindsey whimpered.

"Shh," Angel whispered into his ear. "Just ride it out, Lindsey."

Lindsey screwed his eyes shut, just feeling Angel move inside him, God.....so....damn.....slow. He needed to move so bad, but he couldn't. He was so damn close....then the hand working his erection picked up speed, Angel's teeth latched onto his earlobe, sucking earring and all.....it sent Lindsey over the edge, he felt Angel break inside him, and he came so hard, he passed out.

Again.

When he came to, he was on the bed. He looked to find Angel, who was now dressed in the pajama bottoms again. Laying in the bed, back against the headboard. He looked relaxed. He looked relatively calm. That was good. Yeah. It meant he wasn't Angelus. Lindsey could tell looking into those brown eyes he was still Angel. Thank the Powers.

He got up, dressed in his clothes. He wanted to say something, he just didn't know what. He was a little pissed again because this wasn't supposed to happen, damn it!! It was just so....fucking....wrong. On so many levels. And how could it happen in two fucking nights? He looked at Angel, who raised an eyebrow at him, damn near daring Lindsey to say the words. But he couldn't.....he knew better.

He turned, walking to the door. But.....he just couldn't leave like this. It wasn't right. Without turning around, Lindsey said, "Just when I think I've got you all figured out, you go and make love to me. Why'd you do that, Angel?"

"Felt like it," he heard Angel say.

"Uh huh," Lindsey replied.

Angel said, "Why'd you pass out?"

"Felt like it," Lindsey answered.

"Of course," Angel said.

They were silent for a minute, then Angel said, "You said you came here to do something, Lindsey. What was it?"

Fucked if I know. It wasn't to fall in love, that's for damn sure. This is one fucked up situation we got here, pal. Don't know about you, but I'm freaking.

But Lindsey wouldn't say that, so instead he said the only thing that came to mind. "I came to tell you what the CEO of Wolfram &amp; Hart needs for Christmas."

Angel chuckled. "Oh yeah? What else do I need? I think they covered everything."

Lindsey sighed. "All you need is hope, Angel."

"Hope? And what do you think is going to give me hope, Lindsey?" Angel said.

"A bathroom toilet," Lindsey answered, then walked out.

Angel's eyebrows rose nearly into his hairline. What the hell kind of answer was that? He walked into the bathroom, clearly confused now. He looked around. Sure, there was no toilet. What the fuck did he need one for? Toilets were as useful as mirrors, God.....only a human would say something like that. How stupid, that was just.....just......

Fucking brilliant!

It was all he needed.

Hope.

Angel grinned. The grin got wider. It turned into a smile. He wanted to run downstairs, catch up with Lindsey, kiss him until......forever. But damn, the timing was off. Shit.

Oh yeah.....you got it bad, don't you?

Yeah, I do, Angel admitted to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic always has consequences. Always.

_~Go To Sleep (Fais Do-Do)~_

_Angel's POV_

 

It had been an insane day, beginning with his instructions to have a toilet installed in his suite to the roaring argument he'd had with Spike about his leaving for Europe. Not that he truly gave a shit what Spike did, Angel just felt that as his grandsire, he had the right to make the other vampire submit to his wishes, pretty much when he felt like it. That's how it just was.

Yet a part of him knew he wanted Spike to seek her out, so she'd break his heart the way his had been earlier that summer. Then maybe the other vampire could hopefully move on. Angel was steadfastly ignoring the voice that kept saying he wished Willow had never brought her back from the dead. The voice that said she should have been left in peace. The voice that also said his life had been pure hell since they'd returned from Pylea. The one that said nothing had gone right since.

But the loudest voice of all was the one that said his life just hadn't been the same since one blue-eyed lawyer left town. Despite the renovation of Wolfram &amp; Hart, it was the voices of the past he heard in Gunn's office. It was the glimpses of the past he saw everywhere he turned. It was in the long denied longing in his body that kept screaming: Lindsey Lindsey Lindsey. Even though they'd been under a spell, laying with Eve had only made that longing worse. The whole time his body had still been screaming: Lindsey Lindsey Lindsey. He'd been at a lose to explain why that was.

It had been Christmas Eve that he'd finally understood. He'd gotten drunk on scotch, and he had passed out on the bed. It had been the sound of the door opening, and the aroma of Lindsey McDonald that had awoken him. Yeah, he knew that smell. He hadn't forgotten it at all. He had lain there wondering what the errant lawyer would do, and was caught off-guard by his sense of Lindsey's utter shock at seeing him like that. Even funnier was the repeated "Well, fuck." He'd realized Lindsey was off-guard himself.

It was the scotch and his amusement that had began the bickering. He had wanted to wipe that oh so careful expression from the young man's face, so he'd said the most outrageous thing he could think of. Worked like a charm, too. The bickering had began and it continued until Lindsey lost the ability to speak, and had crawled into the bed.

It was even more amusing to the vampire when the young man had kissed him for real. He'd felt the shock Lindsey experienced when their tongues had met. He'd heard that low moan when the kiss deepened, felt the other man's body temperature rise. It then became a game to see how far he could take it before Lindsey came to his senses. Soon after, Angel began to realize that wasn't going to happen. The young man was responding to his caresses in a way that made Angel long to possess him. Only he wanted to be damn sure Lindsey knew what he was doing, who he was with, and what he was getting into.

So, Angel had said the one thing he figured would piss Lindsey off, make him go away, leaving the vampire with a raging hard on, only the young man hadn't become angry. A wave of emotion ran through his body when the vampire had asked him to spread his legs. Lindsey looked into Angel's eyes and he thought about it. That long glance between them had Angel promising it wouldn't hurt much. Another, even stronger wave of emotion ran through the young man under him.

Angel looked into those suddenly very open, vulnerable blue eyes.....and he'd never, ever wanted anything in his long, long life as badly as he wanted Lindsey to invite him in. It turned into something else when Lindsey did it, stopped being a game for Angel the second the young man licked those kiss reddened lips, let himself be taken over by what he felt, and moved his body in wordless invitation to the vampire.

He had been glad when Lindsey had fled. He'd been even happier that he had returned. Angel had handled it all just fine, without Lindsey becoming aware of his growing infatuation, until the minute the young man said he wasn't falling in love. That stung the vampire's ego, and he did something he wished now he hadn't. He'd made love to Lindsey, forcing the young man into awareness of the emotions he held in his heart.

A dangerous thing, that. He'd seen Lindsey burn for Darla. He knew how far the errant lawyer was willing to go where his heart was concerned. Had he helped or hurt them both bringing those fragile feelings to the surface?

Now there was this message Harmony had handed him. A phone call from a man refusing to leave his name. The name of a nightclub, the address, a time to be there, and the message? _It works both ways. Be there._ Lindsey obviously felt like it was Angel's turn to chase. That was cool with the vampire. He only hoped Lindsey was prepared to be caught.

 

_Lindsey's POV_

 

By the time he finally caught sight of Angel, Lindsey's nerves were damn near shot. His stomach was all tied up in knots, regretting having set this up, and he probably shouldn't have ate that spicy Cajun dinner. He'd felt like ralphing a few times. He kept asking himself why he'd thought this was a good idea?? But he knew the answer, no matter how many times he tried to talk himself into bailing, he just couldn't.

Angel wanted to play? Lindsey was cool with that, but he needed the vampire to know once and for all who he was playing with. Not an evil lawyer willing to do anything to ensure the success of his job or a love-sick fool willing to be used and walked all over. In the two years before he'd left LA, Angel hadn't ever tried to see underneath either facade. Now, he was going to introduce himself, Lindsey McDonald style. He was gonna take the stage, and Angel would have to deal with it. He'd have to see past the past and into the present. Why was he doing this?

Because he felt like it.

 

_Angel's POV_

 

Angel sat at the table, nursing his scotch, wondering where the hell Lindsey was. He felt uncomfortable, among so many people. He hated bars. He hated crowds. He hated being in a crowed bar. He wanted to go home. He kept half an ear on the band while he scanned the crowd, looking for the man he'd come to meet. He was vaguely aware that a different singer, named Sean, was being introduced, but he was busy checking out the crowd. His eyes slid past the stage, and then it seemed like time slowed down for a few seconds as his gaze swung back to the stage.

Holy Shit!, that was Lindsey on stage. In his blue jeans and boots. Wearing a long sleeved blue silk shirt. And his earrings. Damn, the man looked good. He looked great. He looked good enough to eat, for God's sake. He was aware Lindsey was saying something, but he was too busy just taking it in, just staring to pay attention to what was being said. He felt pole-axed. Then the band started playing, Lindsey started singing, and Angel's perspective of the young man changed rabidly.

 

_Oh, Life is bigger  
It's bigger than you  
And you are not me  
The lengths that I will go to  
The distance in your eyes  
Oh no I've said too much  
I set it up_

 

Okay, how had he missed that whiskey and sex voice when Lindsey had sung at Caritos?

How had he avoided being as stunned as everyone around him had been?

Because......DAMN.

 

Lindsey was just standing there, singing into the mike. Yet Angel could feel the tension in his body from where he was sitting.

And then Lindsey looked directly at Angel and the audience was clapping, whistling, making comments about how damn sexy Lindsey was but all Angel could do was sit there and be stunned. And be hard.

Christ, it felt as if Lindsey had given him a blowjob from the stage. He kept thinking _Oh fuck_, and he knew his brain wasn't working, but..

Then the band started playing another song, and the fog in his mind cleared a little. Lindsey disconnected the mike from the stand, and he wasn't held immobile now. Lindsey on stage...and Angel thought, _Damn, he had a cocky walk......didn't he?_

 

_You got me headed in a new direction  
Got no reason to turn around  
Ain't got no looking back or second guessing  
It's time to find what love is really all about and..._

 

Angel wondered if this was country? Progressive country or what?And he suddenly smiled at how silly Lindsey was making him feel. He was doing this on purpose and it was WAY better than the COPS SUCK sign.

 

Damn, Angel thought while the audience clapped in appreciation once more. Lindsey talked, and yeah....that had been country. Lindsey had that growly sound down. He did that really good. Yeah, Angel liked that. He'd known there was more to the errant lawyer than he'd always shown. Before now, however.... Angel hadn't been motivated to find out what was underneath.

This was just too weird.

Then the band started playing kind of slow, and Angel thought it was going to be a ballad this time. He smiled.

He liked ballads.

 

_You keep on pushing, babe,   
Like I've never known before.   
You know you want me crazy, child,   
An' I just wanna see you on the floor.  
I wanna superstitious woman   
An' she got a superstitious mind._

 

His mouth watered and the one thought rambling around in his head was that Lindsey was walking, breathing and singing sex. Angel crushed the glass in his hand, looked down at the mess he'd made then he looked back on stage. He just couldn't take his eyes off Lindsey now.

 

_I can't see you, baby,   
I can't see you anymore, no more.  
You keep on loving me  
Like I've never known before._

 

This is NOT country or a ballad, Angel thought and at that point, the place could have caught fire and he probably wouldn't have moved because Lindsey was running his hand down his chest, all over, and the audience was going crazy. Angel's left eyebrow lifted and he wondered if Lindsey was a lawyer an exhibitionist or a Chippendale.

 

_My heart is beating faster, babe,   
It's beating like a big bass drum.   
You know you got me speeding, child,  
Faster than a bullet from a gun._

 

The audience was getting rowdy. Angel was beginning to feel quite a bit jealous and more than a little possessive now. He wanted to scream, "Hey, that man is mine! Back the hell off!"

 

_So take me down slow an' easy,   
Make love to me slow an' easy.  
I know that hard luck an' trouble   
Is coming my way,   
So rock me 'til I'm burned to the bone,  
Rock me 'til I'm burned to the bone._

 

First word: FUCK Second word: ME

Angel couldn't wait to get his hands on him.

The audience was clapping in time, singing with Lindsey and all Angel could do was wonder where the hell had his evil lawyer boy gone? Who was this man that could take the stage like he was born to it? Why the hell WAS HE A FUCKING LAWYER?

 

And as the last notes of the song faded away, the audience went wild, clapping, and Lindsey said, "Thank you. It was a pleasure! Goodnight!" before he exited the stage.

Angel was buzzed. Now what? What could he say?

_"Gee, Lindsey, I always thought you were too uptight to do anything like that?" _

"Don't sing on stage again because I don't want anyone else wanting you?"

"I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone in my life?"

All these thoughts were rolling around in his head, but he couldn't say them........and then, suddenly.....it didn't matter. Because Lindsey was standing in front of him, arms crossed, waiting. There was an underlying hum in the air. Angel was more than aware they had a roomful of people watching them.

It was hard to imagine this was the same man who, a few nights ago, had screamed "I'm not gay!" and "I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on Earth!" at him.

This man in front of him.....he wasn't shy or recedent at all. This as the real Lindsey.....who sang to Angel, about wishes, fantasies, and desires. Angel could see Lindsey plainly didn't care who the fuck knew. He had made a choice and he had made his point.

Angel slowly stood up. He walked over to Lindsey, who lifted his chin a little in a gesture that said, yeah, I want you. What are you gonna do about it?

Angel's answer? He kissed Lindsey in front of what felt like the whole damn world.

 

_~Elemental Magic~_

 

The last week had been chaotic for Lindsey. Between the ever constant spell casting to keep his glamor alive, dodging questions from Eve about the increasing number of hours he'd gone missing, and spending as much time as he could with Angel, Lindsey was damn near wore out. He needed sleep in the worst way, so he'd lied to Eve (again), made his way to Angel's suite (without the vampire's knowledge), and fell on the bed, fully clothed. Surrounding himself in the scent of Angel, feeling safer here more than he'd felt anywhere for years, Lindsey was asleep in no time.

He was still out when Angel made his way to his rooms late that night. Covered in demon gore, from head to foot, he'd still had to convince his friends he wanted nothing more than a shower, some sleep, some peace and quite. He wasn't up to the New Year's Eve party they were attending. They'd thankfully relented, letting him go his own way. He had not been expecting Lindsey to show up tonight, so he was pleasantly surprised to find him in his bed.

Angel looked down at his lover, a slight smile on his lips. The man had taken his boots off, crawled under the covers, and he held a pillow to his chest, face buried in it, almost as if he was holding the vampire in his arms. The sight touched something deep within Angel, and he let himself feel it, having learned in the past week that he didn't need to fear for his soul this time.

He headed to the shower, thinking how that could have come to be. This last week, he'd come to know many things about his lover he'd either never cared to find out before....or just hadn't cared about at all. He'd learned about the childhood misery he'd scorned years earlier, how it had shaped Lindsey, made him into what he was. He'd learned how the lawyer had come to despise himself while working for Wolfram &amp; Hart, how dirty he'd felt. Lindsey was slowly opening up to Angel, but it was a slow, painful process. Angel still didn't know what he'd been doing the last couple of years, or even where he'd been. Or what he was doing here now, not for sure. Lindsey didn't seem inclined to talk about it, and Angel wasn't going to push it.

Angel had been afraid of his feelings, at first. They were so strong, and he was experienced enough to know that was because he'd held them inside for years. He'd convinced himself all this time it was dislike he felt for Lindsey. Now he knew he'd only been afraid to let his friends know he'd fallen for someone to this day they still considered the enemy. Who may even still be, for all the vampire knew.

As he showered, Angel considered the very real possibility that Lindsey was playing him. Yet, he dismissed that theory once again as improbable. Not even to fuck with his mind would the Lindsey he'd known as evil done the things he had since Christmas Eve. Not even to settle a score. Angel had looked into those blue eyes, seen blatant honesty there too often in the last week to believe that.

And, quite frankly, he didn't want to entertain the thought of Lindsey being still evil. Because that one night he'd had with Buffy was nothing compared to what he had with Lindsey. To touch Lindsey so intimately, to hold his warmth so close to his own body, to feel that beautiful hard body pulsate with life while they made love, the look in his lover's eyes when he came.....these were the things Angel had come to want with every fiber of his being.

As he was drying off, Angel wondered why the Powers That Be were allowing this. If indeed, they even were aware of the situation. Those tattoos Lindsey now sported....Angel had not questioned him about them. But he knew they were some sort of cloaking spell, preventing him from the notice of the Senior Partners, from virtually everyone. The vampire suspected they were to have to shielded Lindsey from himself, as well.

But magic always came with consequences. Always. He just wasn't sure what they were for Lindsey, but he also knew without doubt.....it was the tattoos keeping Angelus from emerging. Would Lindsey have marked his body that way, knowing that in doing so, he was turning himself into the anchor for Angel's soul? The vampire had no illusions about that question. No way in Hell would Lindsey have done it knowingly. Even if he had changed for the better.

Angel walked toward the bed, rubbing his hair as dry as he could, silently contemplating his next move. He could wake Lindsey up, start bickering with him on account of his invasion of the vampire's sleeping space, make the former lawyer so speechless with rage, he'd begin saying things he didn't mean to. That would be fun, Lindsey smelled fantastic all riled up, and he never failed to say something vastly amusing or interesting to know. His accent really came out then, and the sound of it drove Angel insane. Of course, then he'd be forced to tackle Lindsey to the floor. Angel had found his lover wasn't afraid of a little rough and ready, either as the giver or the taker. But he decided, looking at him asleep, that wasn't what he wanted this time.

He dropped the towel, gently slid into the bed next to the man in it, and slowly removed the pillow. He could feel the heat coming off Lindsey. It excited and intoxicated Angel. He snuggled right up to the young man, feeling his body heat, wanting it, wanting him, and the vampire softly began kissing him awake. Lindsey began responding before he even opened his eyes, opening his mouth, letting Angel in, softly moaning into the kiss. His arms curled around the vampire, pulling him closer. Angel made a purring noise deep in his chest. Lindsey's eyes opened, lazy with sleep, and he smiled. "Hey, you," he softly said.

"Hey," Angel whispered back, loving the drowsy look in those deep blue eyes. God, if my heart could beat, it'd be pounding right now. He kissed him again, nearly breathless this time, only letting him come up for air because he had to. Lindsey was rubbing his back, in small, slow movements....still sleepy, languid even....in that you woke me up to make love to me way. This was the first time Angel had done it. He couldn't even recall how long it had been since he'd last done this.

Angel rolled him onto his back, removing the t-shirt along the way, kissing his way down Lindsey's neck, nipping at his Adam's apple, touching him softly with his hands, and Lindsey was softly moaning, burning hot already. He could hear the man's heart rate speeding up by the second, could smell the arousal in the air. He gently bit and licked the hurt away from those light beige nipples, inducing "Aw, fuck," out of Lindsey, who had started rocking up into Angel.

He vampire then did something he hadn't done yet. He acknowledged the tattoos by slowly tracing the pattern of each one with his mouth, tongue, and gently teasing teeth. He could feel the magic under his mouth, in the man under him, and he gloried in it. Lindsey was mystified as to why Angel was doing it, but found he didn't care, because it just felt too damn good. He had become an inferno, and the coolness of that mouth was all he knew.

Angel licked at the small hollow of Lindsey's belly button, while he unzipped the jeans, teasing the throbbing hardness that lived there. "Angel....please," Lindsey hoarsely moaned. "Mmm," Angel hummed into Lindsey's navel, causing the young man to jerk upwards. He slid the jeans slowly down, until they were off, and threw them across the room.

The vampire then started licking, kissing, touching his way up Lindsey's body with the same thoroughness he'd shown his torso. The young man was panting, clutching the sheets, a sheen of sweat was covering his body, but he was trying to hold on. When Angel started on the inside of his thighs, Lindsey started moaning from deep inside, and Angel reached for the lube he'd set aside. Lindsey sighed.

Angel smiled against the overheated flesh. And he didn't stop, traveling upward to lick along his perineum, then gently, so, so gently, he sucked Lindsey's balls into his mouth. "Holy fuck," he heard whispered. He could feel the tightening in his mouth. He caressed Lindsey's legs until he relaxed again. While he was distracted, Angel slicked his fingers with lube, and then he released Lindsey from his mouth, and the young man sighed. Angel smiled again.

He started teasing all around the young man's weeping, raging erection, prompting Lindsey to whimper. "Angel, please.....I can't......can't hang on," he whispered. "Yes, you can. Do it for me, lover," the vampire softly said. Lindsey softly growled. This hanging fire shit sucked. He didn't have the stamina Angel did, for fuck's sake. But at least, Angel finally took him in his hand, had started stroking him slowly. But his relief was short-lived, because Angel suddenly slid a lube slick finger inside him, and "Oh, bastard," Lindsey groaned.

Angel chuckled. "Not fucking funny," Lindsey muttered. His knuckles had gone white where he was clutching the sheets. Angel wiggled another finger inside, stretching Lindsey, opening him as he moved them deeper, twisting them until he found the sweet spot. He pressed into it gently.

Lindsey screamed, "Angel, fuck, god please!"

"Please what?" Angel smoothly said. God, he loved it when Lindsey lost it like this. "Tell me what you want, lover." He rubbed in a lazy circle, knowing the man under him both loved and hated it at the same time. Angel just knew Lindsey would want to be fucked, and he was surprised when he said, "I want.....I want you to suck me until I come, then I want...oh fuck, Angel," he moaned as the fingers dug into the gland, "I want you....want you to fuck me....and fuck me....and fuck me.....until I can't move."

Angel growled, a low sound, but it made Lindsey shiver with arousal. And the vampire knew how far out on the edge he was, couldn't believe he'd asked for more, but fuck...this is what you wanted......so, Angel maneuvered a little, and whispered, "All right, Linds," right before he started teasing Lindsey's erection itself. He licked, nipped, and moved his hand on it, while his fingers moved inside of his lover. He wanted Lindsey ready for this. More ready than he'd been before.

Angel took Lindsey into his mouth at the same time he pulled his fingers out, and the "Uhhhhh," that came out of Lindsey sounded like both a plea and gratification at once. He awkwardly lubricated his fingers again, it was kind of hard one handed, while he slowly started sucking on Lindsey, who was moaning, fighting against the urge to thrust up, then he slid three fingers in, giving Lindsey no time to adjust, as he pulled him down into his throat.

Lindsey moaned, "Angel....oh god....feels so good.....fuck...." Yeah, Lindsey liked that, Angel could tell. He scissored his fingers, still getting him ready, while he touched that spot again and again. Lindsey was writhing under him now, he was thrusting, moaning, and the vampire knew he'd had enough. He pressed his nail deeply into Lindsey's gland, and the pleasure/pain sent the young man over the edge. The scream that came out of Lindsey was damn near primal.

He held onto Lindsey as he bucked his hips, thrusting as hard as he could, as he came. Angel sucked until Lindsey was spent, his body sated, relaxed the way Angel wanted him. He let Lindsey slip from his mouth, and continued rubbing circles on the sweet spot. Angel shoved a pillow under Lindsey, who was still in post orgasmic haze, he pulled his fingers out, Lindsey moaned at the loss, the vampire positioned his lover, and he slid into that hard body with one smooth stroke.

Lindsey hissed "Yessss," and Angel felt a strange disorienting sensation in his head. He felt as if Lindsey had just opened himself in some strange way he hadn't until now. For a few seconds, he was afraid....but then Lindsey begged him, "Please, Angel, please....don't stop. Don't stop...."

He shook off the feeling, and he just had to move, he wanted to be slow.....

But Lindsey started moving with him, squeezing him, he was going wild again, Angel hadn't wanted that......he leaned down just the tiniest bit, pressing further inside of that hard body, and whispered, "Fight it, Lindsey. Calm down."

"Can't.....fuck, Angel....I can't," Lindsey ground out. "Just wanna.....move.....harder, Angel.....deeper. Ooooh....fuck, please....harder.."

So Angel did move a little harder, a little faster. He shifted Lindsey until he was buried all the way in, the angle changed, and he was now hitting Lindsey's prostate with every stroke. "Oh, fuck, Lindsey," Angel growled when Lindsey clenched his inner muscles. He started just pounding into him.....he couldn't help it. "Tell me what this feels like, Lindsey. Tell me how much you like it."

Lindsey arched his body, straining now, wanting more. "Feels.... so damn..... good,.... Angel," he panted, words coming out as moans. "Want....you..inside....so much."

Angel felt the rush of approaching orgasm. Lindsey beat him there, but by seconds only. Lindsey's climax triggered his own. Angel rolled them over so he wouldn't collapse onto Lindsey, who had passed out. Again.

This time, so did Angel.

 

_~Mastering the Mouse~_

 

Lindsey slowly awoke to the feeling of his back being gently stroked. He sighed, arching into the touch. Among the many small things he'd let the vampire come to learn the past week was the fact that Lindsey liked to be touched, whether the hands on him were soft or rough didn't matter, it turned him on either way. As long as the hands that did the touching were Angel's, at any rate. He let his mind drift as he enjoyed the hands soothing him.

He remembered making love last night, how Angel's not so subtle plan to enure him to the little death Lindsey experienced when he climaxed had....almost......worked. Maybe had worked, now that what Lindsey had known might happen.......had happened. He just hadn't figured it to occur during the most torrid mind-blowing sex he'd ever had, that's for damn sure. Now they were both so fucked it wasn't even funny.

Lindsey also hadn't been prepared for the deep emotion he felt for the vampire to ever see the light of day. He had not told Eve any of this when she'd freed him from the nightmare he'd been stuck in for the last two years. He hadn't wanted her to know Nathan's plan had royally backfired. He desperately did not want to go back where he'd been all this time. Cause frankly, he was tired of being fucked with. Lindsey had decided, this time, it was gonna be him doing the fucking, thank you very much.

Wolfram &amp; Hart and the Senior Partners were gonna be the fuckees. Now he wondered if his plan was totally shot to shit. Things just hadn't gone right ever since he'd walked back into Angel's life....well, unlife....whatever. That shouldn't be surprising, though....since the vampire had pretty much screwed him over the minute he'd landed in LA. But damn.....first there'd been the bickering. Then it had been the kiss, followed by desire he'd never known before, followed by Angel.....Angel....Angel. Lindsey couldn't blame his lover for this latest fuck-up, though. He'd been the one who'd set those wheels in motion by deciding to play for real this time.

But now....holy shit......it had happened.

It had really, really happened.

Angel was in love.

With him.

And now Lindsey was really, really at a loss at how to proceed.

Because he was irrevocably, uncontrollably in love with Angel.

If only he'd told Angel what might happen. That whole "fuck it" attitude he'd had when transcribing the spells had backfired on him. Lindsey had just known there was no way in hell Angel could ever love him. He'd figured it to come into play during a fight or something, if it worked. It had seemed to Lindsey that some kind of bonding happened between them when they fought, so he'd thought.....fuck it. At least, even if he failed, Wolfram and Hart would still be screwed over. Angelus would be lost to them, come what may. Lindsey had thought Angel really never gave a damn about his fate anyhow- and that thought led to another-and....

He turned his head to look at Angel, who was on his side, head on his pillow, still stroking Lindsey's back. His voice a little rough, like fine grained sandpaper, Lindsey quietly said, "Why haven't you even asked me where I've been all this time?"

Angel could hear the unspoken didn't you care if I was alive or dead? that was all over that question. "I knew you'd tell me in your own sweet time, Lindsey," he said. Then he leaned forward to place a soft kiss on the other man's forehead. "And I've always cared if you were dead or alive, I just wasn't always sure which option I wanted more. Tell me this isn't news to you?"

Lindsey grinned, his eyes sparkling merrily. "Nah, always knew that. Pretty much felt the same myself. If I had a dollar for every time I thought about staking ya, I'd be the richest damn mother fucker in the world by now."

Angel just smiled and waited. Lindsey would tell him......or not.....in his own way. One thing he's managed to learn about this young man? You couldn't push him, because when push came to shove, Lindsey never did what you wanted him to......he was just downright stubborn that way. So the vampire waited, not showing his impatience for this talk to be over with.....so they could get on with the real talking Angel wanted.....the kind that invoked sweet, nasty things out of that lawyer's mouth.....and himself buried so far into Lindsey's gorgeous body, he wouldn't be able to think, let alone talk.

Lindsey sighed, letting his eyes close for a few seconds, as he reveled in the vampire's gentle touch on his back, as he slowly traced the pattern of the markings that were there. It was amazing to him how arousing he found Angel's very gentleness to be. Yet aroused wasn't where he needed to be right now, so he did what he'd been forced to do for the better part of at least a year....ignore the arousal, until it became a dull roar in his body.

"It was that damn sign you left on my truck that caught me out, Angel. Don't know if I'd have made it out of LA, if it wasn't for that, but we'll never know, I guess. At any rate, I hadn't gone 10 miles when I was pulled over and arrested. But they didn't cart me off to jail, no......that would've been too easy. The cops that pulled me over were on the payroll, see? They brought me back here. And that's where I've been all this time. I never left LA at all."

"What? That's not possible....I mean, why haven't I seen you?" Angel said.

Lindsey snorted. "You know that place they keep all those unmentionables, where you put that crazy doctor? That's where I've been. Holed up in a small room, kept in suspended animation....and forced to relive my life from the second you walked in on my meeting with Russell Winters until I drove away in my truck. Time.....had no meaning for me. I cannot even tell you how many times I relived those two years, Angel. It was all some sick, twisted plan of Nathan Reed's to get me back on their side.....or keep me locked up for eternity, out of their misery."

"Looks like Nathan's plan didn't work out too well, huh?" Angel said.

"Yeah, it did, Angel. I had started hating you again....really hated you. Like I said, time had no meaning for me, but I've figured it out as best I can. Up until the night you lost Conner, I hated your guts. If they had released me......I would've done anything to see you dead."

Angel raised one eyebrow. Okay, that answered one of his questions. Lindsey knew about his son, which meant he knew about his mother.....and why didn't he hate Angel now?

"What changed?" the vampire said.

"The night that happened, Lilah came back to the firm.....and she decided to alter my program. She started feeding me images and memories that weren't mine. And before you ask, I have no idea why she did it. I don't know why she didn't simply set me free. At first, there wasn't much change in my attitude, either. The new images and memories only made me think you were more dense than I'd thought possible. But then....."

"But then.....what?"

"You know what happens when you reread a book or rewatch a movie.....how you lose focus on the obvious and begin to notice the subtle? That's what happened. I started seeing beyond the hate. I saw what was underneath all of it. I began to understand why you did the things you'd done. Understanding led to compassion.....compassion led to acceptance......and that's led to here and now. The upshot is, I stopped hating you.....and I began thinking of ways to stop them."

Angel was stunned. Well, that explained part of why Lindsey had.....not....been that hard to seduce. But it still didn't tell him what the young man's plan was.....and by the wicked little grin on his face now.....Angel thought it'd be a while yet before he knew that. "What about the here and now," Angel said. That wicked grin suddenly looked.....kinda evil.....and wicked nasty , too.

"Here would be....you edging up and bracing your back against the headboard," Lindsey smoothly suggested, his voice now sultry.

Okay, he could do that. Angel moved up into the requested position- and noticed how close Lindsey was to his- but, no. Lindsey hadn't shown an interest in that sort of thing, so-

"And the now?" Some voice that was not his said. Because......Angel did not squeak. He was Angel.... master vampire, king of the hill, able to leap tall buildings-------

Lindsey reached out and softly took Angel's erection in his hand. "Now....would be my first blowjob," he whispered.

He was reduced to mouse boy by a Southern lawyer with an evil hand.

Lindsey smiled sweetly at Angel's squeak. He got a low growl in response to the smile. It made him shiver. That made the vampire grin, but Lindsey didn't care. He turned his attention back to the question at hand-or rather- in hand. Just how hard could it be, doing that anyway? Lindsey found he wasn't repulsed at the idea, and he'd had it done to him enough. Well, he knew what he liked-but he'd always had a condom on, so the whole swallowing thing- it had never been an issue. He didn't know if he could do that.

One of the first things he'd learned during this affair? Vampires equal no condoms. Second thing he'd learned? Angel had no problem when it came to swallowing. In fact, he had no problem when it came to sucking, either. It was no holds barred-prepare for the ride of your life-and by the time he was through....you'd not only screamed his name when you came, but felt like he'd sucked the life force out of you, leaving you with barely enough brain to breathe, let alone think.

Lindsey just didn't think he could ever be that good at it, but judging by that squeak that slipped out of Angel- he very much wanted Lindsey to do it. Maybe the novelty of knowing he'd never done it before did something for Angel? But all this thinking was holding up the works-so Lindsey just lowered his head and took Angel into his mouth.

Angel was damn near ready to come at just the thought of Lindsey doing it-he wasn't sure why that was. It just was. He was quite while that damn mind of his thought about it, because damn the man thought too damn much.....but then he did it. Lindsey took him in-and when he felt himself engulfed in the wet heat of his mouth, the vampire nearly lost it right then. It took all he had not to thrust up into that hot mouth, fuck it the way he fucked his body- and he wanted Lindsey to like it-so he'd do it again. He bit his lip, moaned softly, "Oh fuck, Lindsey."

Well....okay. It wasn't nasty. And Angel had moaned his name. Cool. He felt fingers wind into his hair, and the vampire softly guided him. Lindsey went down as far as he could, sucking as he went, using his hand to pump the part he couldn't suck in. Angel moaned again.

Damn Angel thought. Linds must be hitting the threshold of his gag reflex. For his first time, he was doing all right. So, he let himself start thrusting up into his mouth- just a little.

Lindsey didn't mind Angel fucking his mouth-that was sort of the point of doing this, after all. He was really liking this making Angel moan thing. So, he did something he himself liked. On the next down stroke, he sucked really hard, humming at the same time, using his teeth just a little.

"Holy Shit!" Angel screamed.

Loving that response, also the fact that Angel got just a little thicker in width, Lindsey did it again. He earned another scream, and Angel started throbbing now. God, it almost felt like a heartbeat. Okay, the jury was in. He liked doing this. Angel said, "Lindsey, I'm gonna come." Duh, I know that....do you think I'm stupid? Lindsey thought, as he hummed one last time- and pulled back just a little right when Angel came. He not only swallowed....but it didn't bother him at all. He sucked until nothing was left, only stopped because Angel pulled him up to kiss him.

"Hmm," Lindsey moaned into the vampire's mouth. He pumped Angel back to hardness again. Vamp stamina, he loved it. Then he positioned himself over Angel-knowing he was still slick from the last encounter- and lowered himself onto the vampire. He liked being on top, Angel inside him, he felt like he was both giving and receiving at the same time. He started moving on the vampire, who was grinning at him quite wickedly.

"You're really something," Angel said.

Lindsey smirked. "Yeah, I'm the hottest thing Oklahoma ever made."

"Thought I was the one making you," Angel quipped.

Lindsey just grinned. Angel ran his hands up his lover's chest, going lightly over the tattoos, looking up at the man above him with the question in his eyes.

Lindsey whispered, "Yeah, I knew. I felt it last night, too."

Angel's gaze got really hot with emotion, and he was speechless for a moment. Then he started pumping his body up into Lindsey's, moaning his name. The emotion zinged between them-

And they were both startled by another voice in the room.

"Who the hell is Lindsey, where's the man you've been screwing, and am I gonna have to stake your sorry ass after all?"

Angel and Lindsey both swung their heads to look at the intruder-

One very irate bleached blonde.

"Oh, shit," Lindsey said.

 

_~Sweet Child Of Mine~_

 

Lindsey and Angel looked at Spike. They looked back at each other. Both men realized the importance in the sequence of his questions. He'd asked, "Who the hell is Lindsey." Apparently he'd heard Angel moaning his name. He'd asked, "Where's the man you've been screwing." Now, they both knew the suite just had to reek of sex. How could it not? So, Spike smelled it, but more importantly, he smelled Lindsey under it.

Yet he still couldn't see him, or the questions would have been way different. After all, Lindsey was on top of Angel. Hell, Angel was inside of Lindsey. They'd been fucking, in fact.....it had been on the verge of becoming very intense and emotional. That smell....the scent of their emotions.....must have slapped Spike in the face when he'd entered the room.

And that led to his last question. "Am I gonna have to stake your sorry ass after all?" So many answers to that one, and Angel couldn't answer with any degree of truthfulness yet, because he didn't know the whole score yet. Only the man on top of him could, if he even knew them all.

Angel looked back at his annoying grandechilde. "Come back later, Spike. I'm busy."

Spike laughed. "Busy doing what? Laying about in bed all day cause you screwed your brains out all night, ya big Poofter? Answer me question, or I'll stake ya right now!!!"

Angel softly growled. Lindsey grinned, glancing down at the bedclothes. Yeah, in Spike's eyes, they probably just covered Angel enough not to reveal where a certain body part was residing. Lindsey grinned wider. Oh....hell....yes. This was gonna be fun!!!!

Angel got a panicked look on his face. In a rush, he said, "Lindsey's a lawyer who used to work here. That's who I'm screwing. No, you don't have to dust me. Don't tell ANYONE about this. Bye, Spike."

Angel should've known better.

"I thought everyone who'd worked here got killed, mate," Spike said.

"I'm alive and kicking," Lindsey said. "Oh, god, Angel....I just wanna move soooo bad."

"Fuck!" Angel yelled as Lindsey squeezed his inner muscles, tightening around the vampire. "Lindsey quit a couple of years ago, okay? Goodbye, Spike."

"Hey, isn't Lindsey a girl's name, Angel?" Spike said.

Lindsey snorted. Angel grinned. "It sometimes is, I suppose. Good...bye....Spike!"

"Oh, then you what.....found a little girly boy to play with, did you now?" Spike said, poker-faced.

Lindsey looked down at his body while Angel chuckled. Blue eyes came up to meet brown ones in amusement as he ran one hand down his chest and said, "Yeah, Angel....did you find a girly boy to play with?"

Angel looked at Lindsey's body, at all those taut muscles, those brawny arms, felt the strength in the thighs on either side of him. And he smiled up at his lover. "There's not one damn thing girly about Lindsey, Spike. He's all man. Although he does have a very pretty face."

"You like looking at it, dont'tca?" Lindsey said, smirk on his face. "In fact, I've noticed....you look at me an awful lot, lover. Hmm...I think I'll give you something to watch....since it would be just so rude if I moved. And my momma taught me my manners." And that evil hand started wandering down over all that skin.

"Oh, yeah?" Spike said, close to over lapping Lindsey's comments. "Well, he'd have to be awful damn pretty to catch your attention. So, if he's all man.....how'd you ever talk him into taking it from you?"

Angel's gaze was glued to Lindsey's hand and what the damn thing was doing. He wouldn't really.....jerk off.....with Spike being in the room.....would he? "I kissed him," he absently answered.

Spike cracked up laughing at that one. "You.....you....you....kissed him? Oh...god...."

Lindsey smiled at Angel, who was frowning at Spike. He wanted Angel looking at him, not the other vampire, damn it. He touched Angel's face, turning it back to him. "No, I kissed you."

"No, he kissed me," Angel corrected himself, his eyes back on the hand, which was now slowly stroking one very hard erection. "Oh....my.....god."

Spike laughed even harder. "Who seduced who, then?"

Lindsey's eyes had closed, he was using the other hand to pinch and roll one of his nipples, and a low moan came out of him. The evil hand continued it's job.

"Me....him.....neither. It just happened, that's all," Angel shakily said. He'd about hit his limit in this situation. Lindsey was.....oh, shit....the hottest fucking thing he'd ever seen. "Spike, you really, really need to leave now."

Spike suddenly sobered up. "Tell me how happy you plan on getting, mate. Can't rightly leave unless...."

"Tell him....tell him....our souls are......entwined," Lindsey whispered. "Hurry, Angel.....god, hurry."

"Lindsey anchored my soul with his, Spike. Now...would you just go, please?" Angel quietly said.

"All right, mate, but I'll want to talk later. To both of you. I want to see this Lindsey, who has you so entranced." Spike said.

"Fine. Later," Angel said. "You can talk to him, but don't touch him. I wouldn't even look too hard at him, if I were you."

"Damn touchy about it, aren't you, old boy?" Spike said, much amused.

"Angel...please," Lindsey groaned, nearing the edge, needing movement inside of him. Damn, he was gonna fucking die if he couldn't move.

"Damn straight I am. Now FUCK OFF, SPIKE!" Angel said. A fine sheen of sweat now covered Lindsey's body. His head was tilted back....just so. He could see how close Lindsey was....he was the perfect picture of wantonness.....desire....need. And god.....Angel had never wanted to turn anyone so badly as he did in that one moment.

Spike turned to exit, chuckling softly. He started walking to the door, and he just couldn't resist one last parting remark as he left. "I just love exercising in bed, don't you? I'll just lock the door so no one else interrupts you two. See you boys later."

Angel let that go for now. He moved his hands to Lindsey's thighs, touching him gently. "Don't stop what you're doing, Lindsey," he whispered. He started thrusting up in sharp, even movements. He was as close as Lindsey was.

"Uhhh," Lindsey moaned. "Angel.....uhhhh."

"I know," Angel said, moving to grasp Lindsey's hips, moving Lindsey with him, thrusting harder now, watching every movement that hand made.

"Fuck Angel," Lindsey screamed.

"Come for me, Lindsey," Angel said.

"Angel..." he moaned. Then Lindsey tightened all over, as spasm after spasm rolled over his body in the rush of climax.

Angel just took in the sight of Lindsey and he thought he'd never seen anything as exquisite as this man was in his entire life. It sent him tumbling into an intense orgasm.

They both felt the most horrendous pain assault their senses at the same time. It felt like they were dying. Both men screamed from sheer agony. But as suddenly as it began, it abruptly ended.

They opened their eyes and looked at each other. The fear and relief each saw in the other was only eclipsed by the shared knowledge of what had just happened.

Their souls had just entwined. Come what may, it wasn't something either could take back, because it hadn't only been a spiritual joining.

Magic always, always had consequences. Lindsey had just paid for what he'd given Angel in his quest to best the firm and the senior partners. He'd given the vampire his heart and part of his soul. The Powers That Be gave him part of Angelus in return. He wasn't entirely human any longer.

 

_~One Small Moment~_

 

Lindsey and Angel both came out of the haze of pain to a feeling of utter stillness within and without. They glanced at each other, then around them. They were no longer in the bedroom, but both men knew it was only a manifestation of their physical presence that was here.

"Where are we, Angel?" Lindsey asked softly, somehow knowing this was a place of reverence.

"The chamber of the Oracles," Angel answered.

"Why are we here?" Lindsey asked.

"I'm not sure. The Oracles were killed by Vocah, the night of the raising. I don't know why we're here," Angel said.

A silent ghostly whisper of wind drifted through the chamber as they heard a woman's voice softly say, "You've been summoned to complete the merging of your souls, young ones."

Their eyes adjusted as the man and woman slowly became visible to them, although they were clearly spirits. They still looked the same to Angel, silver and blue painting their skin, even though they were transparent.

"We haven't brought you anything," Angel said.

"Yes, you have," the woman said. "You've come with the truth in your hearts."

"At last," the man said.

"At long last," the woman said.

"Shades of the past," the man said, smiling at the woman.

Lindsey had a bad feeling about this. Being summoned by the powers of good after all he'd done? This is so not good. He thought. "You know, um....the holidays are over now. If you're going to Scrooge us, you should've done it a week or so ago."

"Oh, he's a smart one, for a lower being," the man said.

"We would have, young one, if not for all the magic you've surrounded your body and soul with," the woman said.

Oh, damn. Got a feeling this is gonna be bad. Lindsey stayed silent, though. He knew that tendency to mouth off wouldn't help him any in this situation.

"Why have you summoned us?" Angel asked, seeing that Lindsey had decided discretion was the better part of valor.

"To correct the mistake you let anger make for you, vampire," the man said.

"And to collect on a debt," the woman said.

"A debt?" Lindsey asked, unable to keep quite.

"Your debt," the man said.

Oh, shit. Knew I should've read those spells slower so I would've understood them better. "I owe a debt to the Powers because of what I've done, don't I?" Lindsey said.

"Surely you knew there would be consequences, young one," the man said.

"You gave this creature a part of your soul to deprive the old ones of his demon," the woman said.

"A soul that you damned as a direct result of his mistake," the man said.

"The Powers were willing to accept that, but you've given him your heart, as well," the woman said.

"So, as one will you triumph or be defeated. Do you accept the price of your debt?" the man asked.

Lindsey closed his eyes, remembering how Angel had once told him he didn't know what faith was. That's what these Oracles were asking him to have. Faith in the Powers That Be. To accept the price without knowing what it was on faith alone. All because he'd come to understand his former enemy, to wish Angel some measure of peace, and that had ultimately lead to falling in love with him. To know inside, for all time, that he'd accepted everything the first time he'd lain with the vampire.

Lindsey opened his eyes, looked at the Oracles with truth in his heart and calmness in the face of the unknown. "Yes, I fully accept the price the Powers require for my actions," he said.

"So be it," the Oracles said in unison.

The woman reached out, laid a hand on both of their shoulders. A jolt of what felt like a million volts of electricity surged through both Lindsey and Angel.

Lindsey was bestowed with part of Angelus in return for giving Angel part of his soul.

Angel was given the knowledge that he had thwarted fate in one small moment of time, turning his back on what he hadn't known was preordained in anger.

As the Oracles sent them back into their bodies, all Angel saw was the sight of blue eyes looking into his and the voice that had haunted his dreams for so long saying, "If I die, that'll prove I've changed?"

And Angel finally knew that within twenty four hours, Lindsey had damned his soul by signing a perpetuity contract he was bound to for eternity.

He had thwarted fate by not leaning down to kiss Lindsey that day.

He had not done it because he'd been angry.

Lindsey was as damned as he was now.

It had only been one small moment in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter entitled _Go To Sleep_ was written in response to a direct challenge, in tune with Angel's "Pick a style, Pal." comment in "Dead End". My answer to the challenge was:   
> 1.A song from a video: REM: "Losing My Religion"   
> 2.A song by a female country artist: Faith Hill: "Go The Distance"   
> 3.A song by an all-boy band: I know Nan expected Backstreet Boys or N'Sync, but Whitesnake works, too. (HA HA). Whitesnake: "Slow An' Easy".


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel lets some emotions out, Lindsey learns some things about his new self.

_~Channeling Angelus~_

Lindsey looked into Angel's eyes, and he saw regret in them. He could damn near hear the thoughts going on in the vampire's head. Angel was reliving that moment in time, the moment the Oracles had said he'd circumvented fate by giving into his anger because Lindsey had won the case earlier that morning. He could see the vampire wondering about all the crap that happened after that long, long day had passed.

Lindsey was stunned when Angel pulled him into a tight embrace, and even more surprised when he felt the shaking start, heard the quite sobs coming from the vampire. He wasn't sure what to do in this situation, but felt that vulnerability within his lover again. It angered Lindsey somewhat, because he'd suspected the Powers, the senior partners, or whoever found that vulnerability would use it for their own ends. That's the reason he'd wanted to help Angel in the first place.

And Fuck......turned out, he was right. Son of a Bitch! Lindsey sighed, curled one arm around Angel, wound the fingers of the other into the vampire's hair, rested his chin on top of his lover's head and just held on until the storm of regret passed, wishing like hell he could give Angel all his strength to help him. He didn't like seeing him this way.

When the weeping had calmed down, Lindsey softly said, "It's not your fault, Angel. I did what I did. You aren't to blame for my actions. I was a grown man who made my own choice. I may have made that choice in anger, but that only makes me as stubborn as you are."

"Yeah, but I could've saved you," Angel whispered. "Look at all that happened after that."

"We don't know what would have been, Angel," Lindsey said. "Yeah, possibly it could have been the better course of action, but what would I have been to you? Someone else you had to protect, someone else you would have felt obligated to, like all your friends?"

Angel said, "But Darla wouldn't have....."

"Been brought back? Yeah, she would have," Lindsey said.

"But then....Conner..." Angel trailed off, unable to regret him.

"I know. I wish I could take away your pain over that. But I can't. I'm sorry," Lindsey softly said, moving his hand to caress the side of Angel's face.

Angel reached up and touched Lindsey's hand. "And I cut off this hand."

Lindsey smiled gently at him. "Well, to be honest, I could've done without you doing that. But even then, I gained strength from the experience, Angel. And I learned something of vast importance in the process."

"Oh, yeah? What was that?" Angel said.

Lindsey's eyes sparkled in merriment as he replied, "Right works a whole lot better than left when it comes to jerkin' off, Angel darlin'."

A small smile appeared on the vampire's face. A snicker escaped those lips. The smile got wider. Then a real laugh came fourth. "It really does, doesn't it?" Angel said.

"Yeah, it does," Lindsey said, then leaned in to kiss that smile.

"You looked really hot doing it, too," Angel said, laughing into the kiss.

"You looked really hot while you were watching me, Dead Boy," Lindsey replied, urging Angel to lower himself away from the headboard.

"How the fuck would you know? You had your eyes closed, and you were way too busy screaming my name to notice what I looked like," Angel said, complying with Lindsey's unspoken wish.

"Says you! I saw you underneath my lashes. Your eyes were staring at my hand the whole time, Angelcakes," Lindsey retorted. "You looked....like you wanted to eat me up."

"I did," Angel said. "I do....I will....later," he whispered as he tilted his hips to accommodate the man over him. "Much later."

"Is that a promise or a threat?" Lindsey said, charming Angel into opening for him.

"I'll make it a promise, if you stop dicking around and be in me," Angel muttered.

"You're so impatient, Angel love," Lindsey teased. "You're the one who wanted me to keep up with you." He twisted his fingers, hit what he wanted, and yes that look came over Angel's face. He rubbed harder, pressing deeply into Angel.

"Lindseyyyyyy" Angel moaned, arching his body up, making Lindsey press harder. "Yes!"

His fingers moving in a tight circle over Angel's sweet spot, Lindsey looked around them for that damn lube. Where had the vampire tossed it last night? Shit Too bad they were all sticky and smeared from a while ago. Using his own come would've worked just fine.

"Lindsey, hurry up. You're killing me here." Angel groaned.

Lindsey snorted. "You're already dead, Soulboy." He scissored his fingers, stretching Angel wider. "Damn, where'd you throw the lube at?"

"It was empty. And I've told you before, you don't have to use lube on me. Now come on," Angel said. "And stop calling me names."

Lindsey stilled completely. Angel groaned. "Empty? Well, shit....why didn't you say so before?"

"Oh, come on, Linds. You like it rough, sometimes, too," Angel complained.

"I might like it rough, but I don't like it raw. I can't do that," Lindsey said. Angel growled. Lindsey shivered with arousal at the sound. "I'm not a demon, Angel," he softly said.

"You're not totally human now, Lindsey. Can't you.....channel Angelus and just....do it?" Angel said.

"We don't know what aspect of Angelus they gave me. And.....No. I don't want to just do it," Lindsey replied.

Angel growled again, which caused Lindsey to shiver once more. The vampire could both see and smell how aroused his lover was. "Fine. You want lubrication? I can do that," Angel said, reaching over to the night stand, grasping the edge of it. He viciously jerked his hand, tearing into the palm of it. He held his hand out to Lindsey. "There."

Lindsey looked at the hand, then raised his eyes to peer into Angel's. "You want to cover me in your blood?" He quietly asked. Angel's gaze was smoldering. The coppery sweet smell of the vampire's blood hit Lindsey like a ton of bricks. He broke out in a sweat.

"Yes, I do," Angel said. Then he moved, reaching for Lindsey....and he coated the young man's erection, stroking him as he did so. Lindsey was very hard now.

Lindsey was harder now. He felt like....exploding....right now....right in Angel's hand."Stop, Angel....hold up....just...," Lindsey raggedly said. He bit into his lip, closed his eyes and prayed for some control over his body.

Angel stopped. He smiled. Hmm....Lindsey liked that. He looked like he was really, really getting off on it. Right. File that away for later, but for now.....

"I want you in me now, Lindsey," Angel whispered.

Lindsey swallowed, held his breath, and positioned himself. He slid swiftly into Angel, gasped at the tightness surrounding him, muttered "Oh, man," then he started riding Angel hard.

Angel hissed, "That's it, Lindsey." And he began moving his hips up into it, taking it to a faster pace.

"Fuck, Angel!," Lindsey screamed, just pounding into the vampire now. He couldn't help it. He closed his eyes again, and just moved. Angel wrapped his legs around Lindsey's waist and pulled him closer. Lindsey clenched his teeth and pushed harder.

"Oh, YES!," Angel yelled. He raked his fingers down Lindsey's back, drawing blood. Lindsey wound one hand into Angel's hair, twisted his head to the side, and bit down right on Angel's pulse point....not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to send them both over the edge. "FUCK, LINDSEY!!," Angel screamed.

Lindsey collapsed onto the vampire's chest, just breathing. Well, at least he hadn't passed out. That was an improvement, at any rate, but fuck......he couldn't believe what he'd just done.

"Oh, my God, Lindsey," Angel said.

"Uhhh," Lindsey uttered.

"You just....you almost bit me," Angel said.

"Uhhh," Lindsey uttered.

"I know I told you to channel Angelus....but damn," Angel exclaimed.

"Fuck you, Angel," Lindsey muttered.

The vampire broke out laughing. "You just did.....but we can go again, if you want," he teasingly said.

"I'm too busy dying, can't you see that?" Lindsey said.

"No dying yet, you wuss! We have to take a shower, and go.....pay Spike back for interrupting us," Angel said.

"Fuck Spike, too," Lindsey muttered.

Angel softly growled. Lindsey shivered. "Oh, no you don't. No Spike for you. You're mine, Lindsey McDonald. All mine."

Lindsey raised his head to look at Angel, a smile on his face, his eyes glittering with amusement. "I am?"

"You are," the vampire said.

"Wicked cool," Lindsey said, then bent down to kiss Angel.

 

_~A New Sense~_

 

Lindsey didn't realize what had been bothering him until they were actually in Angel's office. Walking into the clean, nearly sterile environment is what did it. He spent a few moments just inhaling the fragrance of leather, office supplies, and the faint-but-always present aroma of blood. The smell was nearly pearly white perfect in comparison to the smell of sex that now filled Angel's suite.

It was a scent he'd lived with for several weeks now, so he hadn't thought too much about why the scent should be any more pronounced to him now. Yet, it was more pronounced. The fact was, he could smell the sex on Angel, despite the shower they'd had. Underneath the aromas of expensive soap, shampoo, grooming products, Lindsey could smell himself all over the vampire. And it was making him crazy.

Angel looked at Lindsey, who had a strange yet familiar look on his face. As if he was trying to remember something, like it was *right there*, but he was missing it. "Something wrong, Lin?" Angel asked.

"Not really. It's just...." Lindsey broke off, thinking of how to word it.

"What?" Angel said.

"You smell like we just had sex," Lindsey blurted out.

Angel chuckled. "We did just have sex, Lindsey. Several times. But there's no way you can smell it."

"But I do smell it, Angel," Lindsey replied. "I can tell you don't drink strictly pig's blood anymore, I can smell that you've killed demons in here.......God, it even smells like a man peed in your office."

"Oh, hey!," Angel said. "That must be the aspect of Angelus you received. A vampire's heightened sense of smell."

Lindsey looked over to the couch, a smirk on his face. He glanced back at Angel. "You had sex with Eve behind that couch, didn't you? You came several times."

If Angel could've blushed, he would have. "Uh....yes?" He said, unsure how Lindsey would react.

Lindsey snorted. "Damn bitch told me it was *Only one time, Lindsey baby*."

Angel grinned. "Well....she didn't lie.....exactly."

"Humph," Lindsey muttered, not sure what he felt at the moment. Eve was supposed to be his girlfriend. Angel was his lover. _Oh, yeah. My life just gets stranger by the second, man_.

"If it helps any, I was thinking of you.....after the first few minutes, anyway," Angel softly said.

That made Lindsey laugh out loud. "You're kidding me, right?"

"No, I did. I could smell your scent on her. It drove me nuts, Lindsey," Angel said, smiling.

"Huh, really? So when I showed up Christmas Eve, you were like..._I think I'll fuck Lindsey now?_" He asked, smiling back at the vampire.

"No!" Angel said. "At first, I just wanted to see if I could make you off-balanced enough to entertain me. I was quite inebriated, you know."

Lindsey laughed again. Then he said, "You know, Angel....if I can smell myself on you, Spike will, too. He'll know I fucked you. How do you feel about that?"

The vampire shrugged. "I don't care about that, Lin. It's not his business, anyway. Hey, don't you have to do some spell, so Spike can see you?"

"Nah," Lindsey said. "I just have to want him to see me, no big deal. Otherwise..." He didn't get the chance to finish, because Angel had moved faster than Lindsey'd ever seen before, and his lips were being kissed. His body was pressed up against Angel's. He wasn't sure just what had provoked the response, but he wasn't going to protest, not while that talented tongue was playing with his. Lindsey arched into Angel's embrace, moaned into his mouth.

"Bloody Hell, don't you two ever come up for air?"

Angel laughed into the kiss, pulled away from Lindsey and muttered, "Don't you knock, boy?"

"What the hell for? It's more fun just walking in on you, mate," Spike said.

Angel moved to lean on his desk, giving Spike full view of Lindsey, who was grinning at Angel, a blush staining his face.

Spike's face lit up in a positively evil grin. He sauntered over to stand in front of the young man. He walked around Lindsey, who crossed his arms, and stood unfazed at the inspection. When the vampire had circled back around to face him, Lindsey raised one eyebrow in inquiry. Spike took in the sight of Lindsey, the build of his body, the hair, the earrings, the face.......and he grinned. "No, you're definitely not a girly-boy. You're awful pretty, though....Lindsey, was it?"

"Yeah, it's Lindsey," the young man said. "Nice to finally meet you, Spike."

"Ooh, listen to that voice. As smooth as honey and as rough as sand," Spike said, getting closer so he could really smell Lindsey. "Um.....you smell so good. Angel, can I play with him, too?"

"No!" Angel and Lindsey said in unison.

"Oh, no fair! I wanna play, too," Spike said.

"Well, you can play all you want," Angel said. "Just not with Lindsey, and I mean it, Spike."

"I don't do that kind of thing, man" Lindsey said.

Spike raised an eyebrow, glanced at Angel, then back at Lindsey. "Smells like you do to me, Sunshine."

Lindsey gave Spike an evil look. "What's between Angel and I is not your affair, Spike."

"No, it's really not, is it? But yet....it is, sort of," Spike said. "Seeing as he has the curse and all. But....looking in your eyes.........I can tell that's not going to be a problem. I can see part of him in you, mate. Your souls.........they truly are connected, aren't they?"

"Yeah, they are," Lindsey answered.

"Did you do it to help or hurt him, Lindsey?" Spike said. "Not that I much care either way.....I'm just curious."

"I knew it was going to happen....just didn't know it would end up the way it has, and none of this is your business, Spike," Lindsey said.

"Again, really not," Spike agreed. "Just wanted to ask before I took off."

"Took off for where," Angel asked.

Spike gave the other vampire a level look. "You know where, Angel."

Angel sighed. "Don't take the Viper, Spike."

Lindsey knew this was about the slayer. Angel looked......resigned. He looked.......like he didn't care. And that told Lindsey he very much did care. It hurt him, and he reacted to the situation without thinking. As Spike turned to walk away, Lindsey said," Hey Spike, got any interesting mail lately?"

Spike stopped dead on the spot. He turned back to glare at the young man. "Who the bloody hell are you?" he said.

"Just someone trying to redeem myself," Lindsey replied.

"You saying you're the one who sent the box?" Spike asked.

Lindsey raised an eyebrow. "And?"

"I take that to mean you sent the amulet, too," Spike sneered.

"Couldn't leave your spirit trapped in a bauble at the bottom of a hellmouth, could we?" Lindsey replied.

"Lindsey...." Angel started, only to cut himself off at the look of fury Lindsey gave him.

"What did you do all this for?" Spike said.

Lindsey said, "You have a destiny, Spike. But you have to choose it. Are you going to chase after the past, like some others keep doing..........or go into the future..........serve your own best interests or.......be somebody who matters?"

"Lindsey, why would you say that?" Angel said, knowing what he'd meant.

Lindsey walked toward the door, too upset, the effort to continue the conversation suddenly too overwhelming.........but as he opened the door to leave, he just had to say it.

"Nothing's ever gonna be good enough, is it? You're always going to be the bastard who cut my hand off. I'll forever be the man who killed Darla, won't I? And you'll never, never, never get over that damn slayer, will you?" With that, Lindsey walked out.

Angel moved to prevent him from leaving, and Spike stopped him.

 

_~Isn't That A Myth?~_

 

_Angel_

"Let me go, dammit," Angel growled at Spike. "I have to catch him, find out what the fuck that was all about."

Spike just held on to his grandsire. "I could tell you, if you'd just hold up, Peaches."

"I said, let me go, you asshole!" Angel roared at the other vampire.

"No! Not until you hear me out," Spike said.

"You don't have anything to say that I want to hear, Spike," Angel ground out through clenched teeth. "You pissed him off with your sexual innuendoes or something. I have to talk to him!"

"Wasn't anything I did or said, you moron," Spike informed him."It was what you did."

Angel stopped struggling. "I didn't do anything, Spike."

"Yes, you did, you idiot. You got that look on your face. And Lindsey recognized it for what it was. It cut him to the bone, I'm sure. So....he ran. Can't say I blame him, either," Spike said.

Angel looked at Spike in complete mystification. "What the fuck do you mean, I got that look on my face?"

"Are you truly that dense? Don't you know, Angel?," Spike said. "God, you're just like her. Stubborn, hard-headed, and so damn foolish. You can't let go of the past, even when the future stares you in the face. You both keep.........I don't know.......yearning.....for what you both know in your hearts wasn't meant to be. I once told you and her you were Love's bitches. God help me, I was right."

Angel said, "I'm not in the mood to discuss this with you, Spike. Now is not the time for this conversation."

"Yes, it is, God dammit! I know how he felt. I've been there, Angel. Do you even have a clue what it's like? She never did. Or she knew and didn't care, not sure which," Spike said. "But I think....I think you do care. So, I'm going to tell you how it feels. And you're bloody well gonna hear me out."

"Get to the point, quick, Spike. I need to find him," Angel said, resigned to hearing some more The slayer loves me, not you crap.

"Fucking fine by me, mate. You know, I loved Buffy without a soul. I did things for her, helped her out, I saved every one of her Scooby friend's lives at one point or another. At first, yeah...I was doing it just to impress her. I was, I admit it. Then things just.....spiraled out of control, somehow. What with Glory trying to get the Key, Joyce dying, finding out Dawn was the Key, then Buffy died. That was.........I think the worst moment of my life, Angel," Spike said.

Angel looked at Spike, not sure just what to say. So, he remained silent.

Spike nodded his head, glad the other vampire hadn't said anything sarcastic, at least. "Then, when she came back, I was so happy. But she was different. You saw her, you know what I mean. She started coming round to my crypt, more and more as time went by. Finally, I told her I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't be around her.....and I think it gave her the idea to use me to feel, to feel like she was alive or something. And then....well, the affair started. I don't want to use this as an excuse, because I know what happened was wrong, but Buffy was a total bitch, Angel. She'd make me tell her, over and over, how much I loved her.......how much I wanted her. She did it to hurt me, to hurt herself........and she'd get that look on her face, the same one you just got on yours."

"That doesn't excuse what you did to her, Spike," Angel snarled.

"You're right, it doesn't. I'm not going any farther with what went wrong, but I'm telling you this because I think you do have feelings for Lindsey. I can't even believe I'm saying this, really..........but bloody hell, I don't want to see you fuck it all up, because you're being the bitch now, Peaches. Seeing that look, it hurts more than you can imagine. As time goes by, it eats at you more and more. Eventually, it kills that soft, tender place inside. You know what I mean? The place inside that makes you want to cry when you make love, that place inside that squeezes your heart when you just look at the person you love. Do you know what I mean?"

Angel sighed. "Yeah, I do."

"Angel, you need to think about this before you go running after Lindsey. What does he mean to you, really? Are you just using him the way Buffy used me, or maybe you're just grateful for all he's done for you, huh? I mean, that boy gave up part of his soul, didn't he? And he did it before any of this....this affair started. I don't know why, but he did." Spike paused, thinking. "You need to decide what you really want, Angel. If it's him..........then you need to stop wishing for her, even if you don't realize you're doing it. You need to do this now, before you ruin his life any more than it's already been."

"I have thought about it, Spike. Lindsey, he's...." Angel thought about how to say it. "He's Lindsey. I.....when I think about him, it's just......."

Spike smiled at the expressions crossing his grandsire's face. "Lindsey owns that place inside of you, doesn't he?"

Angel grinned. "Yeah, he does."

"Well, then, you need to explain it to him. Now, in a way he'll understand, maybe.......if you're lucky......he'll be understanding and give you the benefit of the doubt in the future when that look appears on your face," Spike said.

"I hate those kind of talks, Spike," Angel grumbled.

"Yeah, but if you don't tell him......." Spike said.

"What?" Angel asked, expecting another lecture, and when had Spike become so intuitive?

"If you don't....I'll just have to comfort him. That boy is yummy. I really want to shag that one, Peaches," Spike said.

"Keep your hands to yourself, Spike," Angel growled. "God, are you always gonna want the people I do?"

Spike snorted. "Oh, hell, you know I never wanted Darla........and I wouldn't touch Eve with a ten-foot pole."

 

_Lindsey_

Lindsey sat on the stool in front of the counter, having realized how hungry he was in his flight from Angel. He couldn't quite remember when he'd last ate. Besides, he hadn't fled that far. A part of him knew Angel would follow him, and Lindsey wanted that more than anything.

The waitress took his order for spaghetti with meatballs, with a side order of garlic bread. It's what the man sitting by him was eating. Looked good. Comfort food, that's what he needed. Wasn't as good as chili, stew or gumbo, but it'd do. He smiled at the ambulance driver, who said, "That's a good choice, man. It's extra good today."

He thought about how stupid he'd just acted while he waited. Christ, he'd known Angel still loved her. And instead of letting it go, he'd acted like a spoiled brat, then run like a girl. He'd said hateful, mean things just to spite Angel....and that begged the question. Just how much had he changed, anyhow? Those things he'd said.....how much of that was a reaction to the look on Angel's face when the slayer was mentioned, and how much was just plain, old Lindsey the evil lawyer? Lindsey had known it would hurt Angel, but he'd said it anyway. In retaliation for that look. How very mature was that?

A part of him had wanted to scream, "Love me, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I want you so damn much.....why can't you just love me?" And the part of him that did know Angel did love him was too proud to say that. He wasn't going to beg, and he was damn tired of coveting another's place. He'd done that with Darla, and he was damn well not going to do it with Angel, too. He was tired of being the one on the outside, looking in. Lindsey had been doing that all his life, it seemed. He was sick of it.

Lindsey had found something with Angel he hadn't expected, much less imagined would be so strong. It was what he'd unconsciously wanted all along, he knew that now. He'd just resisted even the thought of it, because he's always figured the vampire for being too dominating. And if there was one thing on Earth Lindsey strove for the most, it was control. He had to have it. It was what had driven him most of his life. Giving it up to Angel on Christmas Eve had been a revelation to Lindsey. Finding out Angel didn't much care who was top or bottom was even more so. It had quite shocked Lindsey, at first.

Of course, he himself had never imagined what it would be like to be fucked. He hadn't known how amazing a feeling it was. At first, it was the simple fact that it was Angel who he wanted doing it that turned him on the most. All that changed the morning Angel had taken him in the shower. Those strong hands had held him in place and forced him to feel things, things he hadn't wanted to acknowledge. Now, he'd walked away.....Why had he done that? Out of pride? Because he'd been hurt by a facial expression?

Lindsey was wondering why love turned people into raving idiots who did extremely stupid things when the waitress set his food down on the counter in front of him. He smiled and thanked her, then started to eat. Yeah, this was good. Comfort food. Mmm. Then he started wondering: what the hell did Angel do when he wanted (or needed) the same sort of comfort? The idea grabbed his imagination, he began musing on this idea....and he started thinking of ways to apologize for the things he'd said.

At first, that's why he thought his heart was beating faster. Because his heart always had beat a little faster when he thought about Angel. Then he suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. It felt like there wasn't enough air in the room. He felt like he was smothering. What the fuck? He looked down at his food. Spaghetti. Meatballs. Garlic bread. He wasn't allergic to any of that- wasn't allergic to anyth-

Oh, shit. Garlic. Isn't that a myth? I didn't think that was true. Lindsey tried to draw air in his lungs, but couldn't. He began to panic. I'm gonna fucking die....gonna die.....and I didn't tell him....I didn't tell him.

"Hey, man. Are you alright?" The man sitting by him asked.

"Can't.....breathe," Lindsey uttered. He started pulling at his shirt, trying to make room to breathe. "Help....me. Can't breathe."

The ambulance driver noticed how pink Lindsey's skin tone was. Then Lindsey went down to the floor in his struggle to breathe, the driver yelled at the EMTs, and things got very chaotic. Lindsey didn't feel the sting of the epipen, and he didn't know the thoughts screaming inside his head were coming out of his mouth.

 

_Angel_

Angel was on the verge of leaving when Harmony burst in the room, saying, "You have an emergency call on line two, Boss."

"I'm leaving, Harmony. Can't it wait?" Angel asked, a little aggravated. He didn't have time for this shit.

"I think you should take this one, Boss," Harmony said. "The lady sounded really panicked."

Angel sighed, picked up the phone, punched the button for line two. "This is Angel. How can I help you?"

A woman's voice came over the line, and she did sound frantic. "I'm calling from the diner down the street from Wolfram &amp; Hart. Look, I don't know if this is important or not, but.....well, he sounded like it was......so I'm just calling to tell you, all right?"

"I'm in a bit of a hurry, I don't mean to be rude, but could you get to the point, please?" Angel curtly said.

"There was a man in here," the woman said. "He....had some sort of attack. He was eating, and....he must've had an allergic reaction or something. One of the EMTs said it looked like the worst case of anaphylactic shock he'd ever seen. They took him away in an ambulance. I'm calling because the man.....he kept saying your name, telling you he was sorry, saying he was going to die and you'd never know."

Lindsey! Oh, God....no. No, no, no. Angel grabbed a pen, asked the woman where they'd taken him, all the while thinking, I've read his damn medical file. He's not allergic to anything.

"Did they.....I mean, does anyone know what caused it?" Angel said.

"The man kept talking about garlic, myths and he was cursing somebody called the Oracles," the woman said.

Fuck! "Thank you for calling. I'm turning you over to my assistant now, okay? Don't hang up," Angel said. He pushed the hold button and told Harmony, "Take her name and number, find out anything else you can, and don't tell anyone else about this, got it, Harmony? No One."

"Okay. Got it, Boss," Harmony said, leaving.

"What happened, Angel?" Spike said.

"It's Lindsey. He's had a severe allergic reaction of some sort," Angel replied, thinking furiously. "I'm going to the hospital. You're coming with me." Because....if the worst happens....I don't want to be alone.

"What caused it? Did he get stung by a bee?" Spike said.

"No, he apparently ate something with garlic in it," Angel answered. "Come on, Spike. Let's go. I'll tell you a story on the way."

 

_~Home~_

 

Angel opened the door to Lindsey's hospital room, and cautiously walked in, not wanting to wake him up if he was asleep. After the chat he'd had with the doctor about the young man's condition, he wasn't surprised to find Lindsey sound asleep. The drugs they'd given him had pretty much seen to that. The doctor had informed him Lindsey was indeed extremely allergic to garlic. He'd also said he'd never seen anyone begin to recover so fast from the acute reaction Lindsey had to it.

Angel sat in the chair set against the wall directly across from the bed, and he just watched the young man sleep. He wanted to wake Lindsey up, apologize for hurting him, but he wasn't sure how to word it yet. All he knew was....he wanted Lindsey more than he'd ever wanted anything before. He didn't want to lose him over something so stupid as a facial expression, when it wasn't something he was in complete control of.

Spike had stayed long enough to ascertain that Lindsey was going to pull through, and his grandsire was not going to fall apart at the seams. He'd left with a smart-assed comment about not seeking the slayer out until he was positive Angel wasn't letting Lindsey go. Angel had informed Spike he'd better go find his own yummy Southern boy, if he wanted one, because it wasn't going to be Lindsey. Spike had sauntered out, grinning at his grandsire's possessive attitude.

Angel looked at Lindsey in sleep. He appeared so peaceful. He was so.....beautiful. That was the only word to describe Lindsey. Angel had always thought this. Of course, he'd often thought that beauty corrupted by greed and ambition in the past. And it had been. But these last few weeks with the man had shown Angel who the real Lindsey was. He had a beauty inside of him that not only rivaled his outer appearance, but surpassed it. That's what Angel had fallen in love with.

Lindsey had come a long way from that pompous, arrogant young lawyer Angel had met not long after he'd arrived in LA. He'd made a lot of bad choices, made Angel's life a living hell at one point in time. Being held captive by Wolfram &amp; Hart had forced him into facing what he'd become, forced him to see things he most likely wouldn't have on his own. So, he'd made a plan, and when Eve had released him, Lindsey had executed it. Angel smiled, wondering if the young man would have done it, if he'd known what the end result would be.

"About time you showed up, Angel. What are you doing over there?"

Angel was startled out of his reverie by the sound of Lindsey's voice. "Huh?"

Lindsey gave him that adorable half-smile. "I said: What are you doing over there?"

Angel raised an eyebrow. "Where am I supposed to be?"

Lindsey smiled. "In bed. With me. Fucking our brains out."

Angel smiled at the comment, knowing that was an exact replay of the one they'd had Christmas Eve. "You're not up for that right now, Lindsey. Besides, that bed's too small."

"You could at least sit on the bed, Angel," Lindsey said. "I'm sick. You're supposed to humor me, you know."

Angel stood up, walked over to the bed, but he didn't sit. Instead, he touched the side of Lindsey's face. "How sick are you, Lin? I mean, how bad do you still feel?"

"Well, I don't feel like I'm being smothered, so I'll live," Lindsey said, grinning. "But damn....I thought that garlic thing was just a myth. I'm really, really upset about it, too. It pisses me off."

"Because you have a weakness now?" Angel asked.

"No, because I happen to like garlic. I always did," Lindsey replied in a teasing tone. "And now, I can't have it. That sucks!"

Angel laughed softly. Lindsey's eyes twinkled at him. Then the young man covered Angel's hand with his own, leaning into the touch. "Angel, I'm sorry for the things I said. I was hurt and I lashed out at you, and.....I acted stupid....it was hateful of me to do that. Are you....are you very angry?"

Angel said, "I wasn't angry with you, Lindsey. I just didn't understand why you said that. Spike told me.....some things, and I'm sorry.....I didn't know..."

"No, Angel," Lindsey interrupted him. "You don't have anything to apologize for. You can't help the things your heart longs for, any more than I can. I'm sure I get the exact same look on my face, when I hear Darla's name. Like I said, it was stupid of me to do that, I realized that while I was at the diner. I was gonna go back, I swear."

Angel sighed for effect, and sat down on the edge of the bed. He moved his hand from Lindsey's face, taking the young man's hand, enfolding it with his own. "Why did you bring Spike back?"

Lindsey smiled. "You know why, don't be a dumbass."

"You were going to fuck with my head, huh?" Angel said.

"Yep," Lindsey replied.

"What changed your mind?"

"Not long after I mailed the amulet to Wolfram &amp; Hart, I found out from Eve just why you'd become CEO. Up until then, I'd assumed you'd been seduced into it. When I found out the truth, I decided not to do it. I only sent the package to make Spike corporal again because I figured it would snap you out of the depression you were in," Lindsey answered.

"Didn't do a damn thing for that, Lin. I think it made it worse," Angel said.

"Yeah, I'd pretty much seen that by Christmas Eve. That's why I came to you then. Of course, I didn't know you were going to see me, and...." Lindsey's reply was cut off when Angel leaned over and kissed him gently, tongue teasing the young man's lips, until Lindsey opened up and let him in. That hot, sweet feeling shot through his body again, and Lindsey thought Is it always going to feel like this? When Angel paused to let him draw breath, Lindsey whispered, "Why?"

"Why what?" Angel whispered back.

"That's twice today you've kissed me like that. Why?" Lindsey said.

"Don't you know, Lin?" Angel said.

Lindsey thought about what he'd been saying both times the vampire had done it. And it hit him: Angel saw me on Christmas Eve.....because I wanted him to. Lindsey looked into Angel's eyes, saw the truth reflected back at him......

And Lindsey said, "Take me home, Angel."

Angel asked, "I thought you were sick?"

"I'll be okay. I just want to go home with you now," Lindsey insisted.

"For how long?" Angel softly said.

"For as long as you want me," Lindsey replied.

Angel smiled, and kissed Lindsey again, thinking forever sounded just about long enough.

_~The End~_


End file.
